So if this jail is always overcrowded what I can make out of it is that next time Im in LA i can feel free to just drive into trees whilst drunk and punch people around. Great.

Dude Kardashian keeping it classy.

To start let me make mention of two stars that had babies that did NOT make it into the top 10 even though they are bigger stars than many of these folks below are which is really shocking to me.

12. Sean Preston born to Britney Spears and Kevin Federline is a true shocker that they only got $500K for the babies photos, but once you see the other paychecks in the top 10, you'll be very surprised. Photo.

11. Kingston born to Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani brought in a paltry $575K. Photo.

And now for the top 10.

10.
Baby's Name: Maddie Briann Aldridge
Born: June 19, 2008 in Mississippi
Parents: Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge
Amount: $1 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Little sister to pop wreck Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears is a star in her own right since she is Zoey in the Disney hit Zoey 101. Surprisingly Disney has stood by their little star amidst all the drama in the Spears lineage and her outbursts to gawkers in airports. They even altered the storylines to the last episodes and sent her off to another country while she had her child. Regardless, Jamie and Casey sold out to OK! Magazine for a reported $1 million dollars (cue the pinky to the corner of your mouth). But it's still twice as much as her older sister made for her baby.

9.
Baby's Name: Harlow Winter Kate Madden
Parents: Nicole Richie and Joel Madden
Amount: $1 million from People Magazine
Details: Nicole traded in her "do me" pumps and short skirts to grow up and have a baby with her boyfriend Joel Madden (from Good Charlotte). With her only claim to fame being a party girl, Paris Hilton sidekick and daughter of Top 40 daddy Lionel, she decided that the timing was right to procreate. Lionel paid cash to give the couple a home to call their own as a gift for the baby and People magazine gave them $1 million to take a photo of their offspring. Those 2 baby gifts alone are a pretty good jump start to a baby's life. Well, anyone's life actually.

8.
Baby's Name: Honor Marie Warren
Parents: Jessica Alba & Cash Warren
Amount: $1.5 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Jessica Alba had been toiling over the thought of selling her baby photos, but according to TMZ eventually gave in to OK! magazines $1.5 million dollar offer made to her and husband Cash Warren. Honor's photos will be her first available anywhere and also includes one other event which could be a birthday, Christmas or any other holiday that the couple chooses in the child's first year.

7.
Baby's Name: Max Liron Bratman
Parents: Christina Aguilera & Jordan Bratman
Amount: $1.5 million from People Magazine
Details: Christina did her best to keep her pregnancy a secret like Jennifer Lopez did, but was outed by Paris Hilton at a Los Angeles party where she announced it from the stage. Christina immediately hid her face in embarrassment because that was not the plan. But when has Paris ever stuck to a plan? So the pop star and her beautiful newborn baby appeared on the cover in February of 2008 issue along with a deeper view into the pop princess's life.

6.
Baby's Name: Dannielynn Smith
Parents: Anna Nicole Smith & Larry Birkhead
Amount: $2 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Many are still mourning the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, but she left behind one heck of a mess and a custody battle that would be the headline story on both TV and print for months and months to come. When the dust finally settled, Larry Birkhead via a paternity test was finally proven as the father. So he did what any good father would do and cashed in on a $2 million dollar offer from OK! magazine for photos of him and his daughter. Considering that $2 million is chickenfeed for OK!. Compared to the quantity of magazines they sold as a result, they were more than happy to pay for Dannielynn's college.

5.
Baby's Name: Pax Thien (post-adoption)
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $2 million from People Magazine
Details: Consider that this won't be the first time you see their name on the list as you read on, but this was the first time they came to the realization that their offspring, even adopted, could bring massive amounts of cash. All of which (here and moving forward) that they would donate to African children's charities. Pax was adopted by couple Brad and Angie from Vietnam in 2007. They also sold rights to publish the photos to the British magazine Hello! which is the only reason why they took the #5 slot from Dannielynne.

4.
Baby's Name: Levi Alves McConaughey
Parents: Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves
Amount: $3 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Matthew McConaughey may look a little lite headed, but he saw the dollar signs right out of the gate and hired Todd Shemarya to broker the deal. Todd's previous work had included Brad and Angie's $4 million dollar deal. The baby's photo will be released for all to see very soon, but since the baby was just born on July 7th, the happy parents are probably holding back for a little bit. But considering the parents genes, there isn't any possibility of an ugly baby. This offer also includes OK!'s option to take a photo of a future special occasion such as a birthday or other holiday event.

3.
Baby's Name: Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $4.1 million from People Magazine
Details: This was the first baby photos for Brad and Angie showcasing their first official offspring that was biologically theirs. Shiloh was their very first as a couple and many in the industry were surprised that the pockets weren't a little deeper, but just like in the past (and future), all of the proceeds went to charity. Realistically they should be in slot #2 because they also received $3.5 million from the British tabloid called Hello!

2.
Baby's Names: Max & Emme Anthony
Parents: Jennifer Lopez & Marc Antony
Amount: $6 million from People Magazine
Details: I don't think it's any surprise that we should expect an album from the offspring to be on the Top 40 charts somewhere between 15-20 years from now. And a dozen labels waving money in their faces as they step off the karaoke stage. Inheriting pipes from both mommy and daddy, there should be a lot of singing in these kids future. The twins from Jennifer Lopez and Marc Antony held the number one most expensive celebrity baby photo slot until Brad and Angie's stepped onto the scene...

1.
Baby's Names: Knox Leon & Vivienne Marcheline
Parents: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Amount: $11 million from OK! Magazine
Details: Even though the AP reports that this number is $11 million, some reports have it somewhere between $15-20. Admirably enough, the money will go to a charity in Africa and not into their pockets like they have done in the past. Like they need money. But instead of adding more zeros to their bank account, they decided to use it to help those less fortunate. The issue displaying the baby photos (as of this writing) hasn't been released yet, but we're definitely interested to see what an $11 million dollar photo shoot looks like. Just make sure you have a nice baby memory book from Corner Stork Baby Gifts to place these photos into.

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Ok, so I am aware that the heading of this post is remarkably similar to the heading of the post I wrote last week about Matthew Gray Gubler, which, I’ll admit, doth not bode well for the sustainability of this amazingly insightful piece of investigatory inter-kibble. But (and you may notice that, true to our nineties-child Clueless-ness, this is our answer to almost everything), whatevs! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and, well, I just really like myself. What do you want me to do, have an eating disorder???

Hmmm, pretty.

Ok, that was below the belt. But at least I have hips from which my belts can hang. (Or perch on, if they’re worn on the waist. Sorry. My propensity for self-qualification is very distracting.) Roflbbqlemonjuicewithcayennepepper!!!

Anyway, I digress from the Homicide homies, those Aussie cops of my waking televisual dreams. The first episode of the second series aired last night, and we at the palais were not disappointed. Channel 7 even engineered the arrest of an axe murderer so they could roll a news ticker across the program in moments of high drama, thereby simultaneously heightening the police reality AND cutting the cords of our disbelief’s suspension!! It was very distracting, but also… thrilling!

Last night’s pep-isode centred upon the fatal knifing of a mother and divorcee-to-be in a Melbourne alley-way at the back of a nightclub. It was more like gritty homicide, judging by the amount of graffiti EVERYWHERE… we’re talking seriously street, y’all! And don’t even get me started on the local colour addition of the bin-rummaging freegan who found the body! ‘The haves throw things out, and we’re the have-no who use them again, yeah?’ Or some such thing. Texture much!

Detective Jennifer (hot blonde Nadine Garner character) was so bemused. On that note, I’d like to draw your attention to this:

Hello? Could she be any sassier? I thought only Michelle Obama could rock that shade! (Haha! I just sort of mentioned politics, yo! We’re not the resolute low-bies you took us to be!)

The great thing about this drama is its universal appeal. I mean, to start with, most people have mothers, and think how many chefs and knife-sharpeners use knives, not to mention all the regular people who just like cooking and cutting themselves! So a stabbing mummy murder was well appropriate for getting the homi-ball rolling.

I read a review in SMH yesterday bewailing the show’s cheap sets and non-Underbelly-ness, but to this I say (you guessed it), ‘whatevs!’. It’s just a really well-paced down'n'dirty Aussie cop drama, and I honestly had NO IDEA that that helpful semi-hot junkie was going to turn out to be the other son adopted out at birth who banged his mother before topping her brutally. Come on, people! Do you not see the Greek mythistry of all this? The family concerned were even Greek Australians, with names like ‘Tolos’ and I-can’t-remember-any-of-the-others!

I’m pretty excited to see how this thing with the chief and his secretly tarty, long-haired, possible-affair having wife pans out. Does anyone else hope it all eventuates in a dirty office hook-up with Noni Hazlehust? I’d like to see them investigate one another well and proper.

That’s probably just me. I’ve not mentioned Daniel Macpherson’s nouveau-do and lack of last season’s new millennium jacket, but they really deserve a whole new post. A post called 'Daniel Macpherson’s nouveau-do and lack of last season’s new millennium jacket'.

 - oafie

continued (with more photos) this way...

Permalink

Thinspiration. I guess Thinspir or Thinspi would be more accurate. Thinspo is a component to a pro-Ana lifestyle. It is when you look at photos of beautiful skinny people to garner inspiration and stick to your diet. Except an Ana diet is something rather silly, like the 2,4,6,8 diet.

What is Ana you say? Its anorexia. Pro-Ana is a movement for a pro-anorexia lifestyle. Who is Ana you ask? She is your friend (according to pro-anas, not me) who starves when you eat and eats when you starve. You need to find the happy medium.  Thinspo is part of that lifestyle.

Pictures like this and this are used:

I say we take back the night. I think Thinspo is a powerful weight loss tool, but rather than look at these bony skeleton’s for inspiration, why not look at real beautiful women whom we would want to look like. Even celebrities who have a beautiful but normal look to them.

I say we take it back. Why let it only be part of a pro-ana lifestyle.

If you or someone you know suffers from anorexia or bulimia, help is available.  

Mommy Cruise has long been a fan of Vivier shoes and now, baby Cruise. Baby Cruise who has since shown her own love of fashion when she picked out a pair of red flats for her mom at the Madison Avenue Vivier store on after lunching at La Goulue, and later that day by choosing her mom's — obviously hard-to-walk-in — blue pumps for the Met gala. Cruise will be the first child ever to have custom-made Vivier shoes. The brand's creative director, Bruno Frisoni, is creating a special pair of shoes to the child's liking.

Did you know Narcisco Rodriguez does not design for the underage crowd, but has been known to whip up a dress or two for friends.
Enter Nicole Richie and her evolving brand " House of Harlow". Richie has not only one maternity wear collection but two jewelry lines coming out.

Says Richie: "I’m at the very beginning stages but I’m designing adult clothes for babies. The girl’s clothes are designed after my personal clothing and the guy’s clothes are going to be designed after Joel’s."

Hey, and when you are done buying the clothes for the kids, pop into the tattoo store next door then call Rachel Zoe for styling advise for the darling babies.

Celebs come out for "ESPN Revenge of the Jocks party"

Celebs come out for the launch of Jill Scott's Butterfly Bra

Halle Berry @ The Social Club

Mary J. Blige outside of Crystal Nightclub

Giant Magazine Party

Coca-Cola Celebrates the Essence Music Festival at the Apollo Theater

Zontar, your faithful and impartial observer of all that is meaningful, offers his felicitations. Your faithful scribe was overwhelmed by anguish today when he was overcome by a nasty case of multiple hemorrhoid syndrome. Since Xenonians have 5 rectums Zontar was suffering the agony of the damned as all aforementioned recti were afflicted at the same time. Zontar had taken his space ship out for a spin over the weekend to observe the nude beach on Lapetus, one of Saturn's moons. Zontar had heard many lascivious accounts of the beauty of the naked Lapetian and decided to observe it first hand, not for any prurient reason mind you! Zontar is not cursed with the disgusting libido of the average Earthling. Zontar just wanted to add to his knowledge. The visit was not a success as all of the Lapetians were hibernating. Zontar should have realized this. Zontar knows full well that all inhabitants of Lapetus hibernate every 10th year and stay asleep for 20. Zontar flew back to Earth in a funk. The only thing Zontar gained from his expedition was the aforementioned attack of hemorrhoids due to the length of time Zontar had to sit in his spaceship on the round trip to Lapetus.

Zontar is a very strong alien. He does not give in to weakness and pain, but he had to give in as the multiple throbbing hemorrhoids almost made Zontar weep! Zontar could not take any more of the agony so Zontar went to Earth physician. While in the waiting room, Zontar espied a copy of your National Enquirer and perused the contents thereof.

Zontar was most curious and it struck Zontar that Americans are obsessed with celebrities. Zontar had heard this before from Canadians, French, English and German Earthlings (who are just as obsessed but somehow don't realize it).

Zontar observed in the pages of this Learned Tome various Earth celebrities such as Paris Hilton, the Olson Twins, Kevin Federline, Nicole Ritchie, Pamela Anderson and Jessica Simpson.

Zontar studied the stories about these persons with awe and wonder. Zontar was awed because he realized that the only thing these "celebrities" have in common is their stunning lack of any ascertainable talent whatsoever, save for their fellatiatic prowess and a stunning and ridiculous willingness to air the ennui inducing details of their emotional breakdowns.

Zontar cannot understand! On Xenon we have many famed artistes who are famous not for humiliating themselves in public but for true talent. The actors on the Xenonian stage are superb! The singers can spin an old Xenonian lullaby to make a jaded, world weary alien cry his eyes out and our supermodels are breathtakingly beautiful. Zontar himself is quite an accomplished actor, singer and artist. Very few can compare to him. As Zontar is also blessed with humility he will remain silent on this subject.

As Zontar continued waiting for the Earthly healer to aid him, Zontar's eyes alighted upon one more "celebrity" who seemed to be getting more attention than all the rest.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Miss Britney Spears!

Zontar did much research into the life of this worthy,and aside from a decidedly modest musical talent, she was best known for her emotional meltdown and a child custody dispute and a celebrated incident where she exposed herself in public. As a civic duty I will reproduce said photo of her shame. This is however a family blog and I will not allow the innocent eyes of a child to be corrupted with such filth. By clicking on the following link you affirm that you are at least 18 years of age. Click here to see a picture of Britney's shaved pussy.

Zontar was shocked at this shameless exhibition. Upon further research Zontar discovered that Britney is also famous for one other talent: pussy farting. Zontar is such an innocent that he had to look up what this meant and he was shocked to learn that Ms. Spears major talent is a remarkable ability to expunge air through her womb. She has become so adept at it that she can play a tune strictly through said orifice. If you listen carefully to "Baby One More Time" hear her singing harmony with her her own vagina.

You Earthings are nothing if not inventive!

Hail Talentless Neurotic Hacks!

Hail Zontar!!

Any sobriety checkpoints this weekend? You'll have to point those out to me because I haven't seen any posted as of yet.

Brown, 29, left the Rose M. Singer facility at Rikers Island Correctional facility in New York at 12:05 p.m., and was greeted by a swarm of photographers and fans as she exited a white Rolls Royce Phantom on the Queens side of the Rikers Island bridge.

People

Foxy says she wanted her first stop to be church. Of couse she got her shopping too.
Later Friday Brown was spotted buying a pocketbook and two pairs of shoes at a store called Signature in Harlem near the Apollo Theater, where she was again mobbed by fans and photographers.

Inga Merchand is free! Foxy Brown got out of Rikers today after 8 months in the slammer for violating her probation. TMZ.com is on “Ill na na” watch which is apparently taking longer than anticipated...

On another note, TMZ is actually pointing out Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie literally did a few hours in jail for similar offenses (violating probation, have auto trouble. Etc) and asking if black celebrities get screwed over by the legal system. So is it true? Do black celebrity offenders get more jail time than non-blacks criminals??

-Amendment- we all know that Celebs get less jail time than normal people so that’s a moot point.

Yes I know that Nicole Ritchie is part black but she doesn't look like it so she's still included in this story.

And yes R. Kelly is a notable exception to this question…

p.s- Ya'll know this means that Foxy and Lil' Kim have more jail time than A-Con! LOL. I'm still mad at that...

                       

         Britney Spears is guest appearing on How I Met Your Mother. I think this is great, it just adds more and more stability in her life, and she is definately back on the right track. Good Luck Brit!

       Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are now both sporting rings. Benji with a PH ring and Paris with a BM ring. Personally I think its way to soon, Paris isn't ready to settle down, she never will be. She is just copying Nicole Richie, to get closer to her and thier baby. I don't like them as a couple.

         K-Fed should pay his own legal fees. He is a big shot now isn't he, with him on One Tree Hill and his rapping. Haha. He tipped someone at a restuarant $2,000. He can step up and pay his own bills, he should get nothing from Britney.

           For all the ladies out there who had their hopes on marrying George Clooney, your still in luck! The rumors of him being engaged were not true, however they have been dating eight months now, so it still might be hard to get to him.

       Two new films are coming out with Heath Ledger in them which I think is great. He was a great guy and a great actor, and for these movies to be coming out is just a great way to honor him.

Nicole Ritchie has been making sure to keep her new baby daughter Harlow close to her heart with her “H” necklace, given to her by jewelry designer pal Jennifer Meyer. And she tells PEOPLE that’s not her only charm, “Joel gave me a really great vintage Hermes “H” that is a gold and white block on a gold rope.” While her $1250 Jennifer Meyer necklace and vintage Hermes necklace may be out of our reach, we love the idea of alphabetical charms to keep those we love in mind. Try these Helen Ficalora charms, $50 from shopbop.com

View more spring trends

Nicole brought out her bundle of joy for People magazine. The reported price is at $1M. 

When The Simple Life had the wife swap season, I always had the impression that Nicole would make a good mom. She was the considerate one while Paris was the selfish one. Since then, I always preferred her over her BFF. Plus she also has a better sense of humor.

Harlow looks so cute. Too early to tell whom she will take after. Look at the proud Momma! Can't help but be happy for them.

Congratulations on your cute baby, Nicole and Joel!

You've got admit, Shaq keeps it really realy...

People always ask me, "Jonny O, is there any female in hollywood that you DON'T have a crush on?" and I can always say without a shadow of a doubt there are two. Conveniently, they are easy to spot because as of this weekend they are both dating Madden Brothers. Benji (the ugly and less talented of the two, if you can believe that someone can be uglier and less talented than Joel) went public this weekend with his new squeeze, Paris Hilton. Keep in mind, Joel was engaged to Date Movie's Australian hottie Sophie Monk until roughly 18 or 20 minutes ago. He kind of made a fool of her with the whole thing considering Monk ripped on Hilton in the movie and now he seems to be punishing himself by forcing his body to have sex with Paris' diseased nether regions. It would just seem easier for him to go and stick his wang in that box at the doctor's office with the biohazard sticker where they put all the used syringes. And as an added bonus, the box is hotter! ZING!!!

What has me more concerned is this; if Paris and Benji go on a double date with Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden will it cause a giant black hole of suck? More so, should we as concerned citizens allow that many stupid people to gather in one place without supervision? I think we should at least require them to wear helmets and their names pinned to their shirts.

“It’s Britney bitch!”

I don’t remember when exactly I first heard this lyric. All I remember is that a spontaneous giggle erupted from between my fingers as I tried to cover my mouth. She was back, she was bad (more like pathetic), and it was all so good.

I’ve hated Britney obstinately ever since she sang, “Something isn’t raaayet”. I hated her when loving her was fashionable. It was only recently that I recognized the pleasure that can be had from her antics. I knew that I had missed out on a ton of funny stories because of my “No Britney For Me” policy. Wishing to make up for lost time, I dived head-on into the media pool of tabloids, blogs and videos (yes Crocker, I mean you), and I found a veritable treasure. A frigging El-Dorado.

I learnt about dropped babies and shaved heads. I read about the interview where she excused herself for a pee break about 20 times. Is this real? Are these publicity stunts? I didn’t care. I just wished she’d get a tattoo on her bald head or go hunting with Amazons or something like that. I watched the world from her eyes.

What will happen if something happens to her? What if she decides she’s had enough and decides to settle down to a quiet suburban life with K-Fed? I was plagued by these unholy thoughts. I even considered getting my daily fix from lesser train-wrecks like Paris and Nicole. But then a deep calm filled my being. I knew she was going to be around for a long time. She has a shit album out, she’s touring and she even has a new man in her life (that sinister looking Arab fella). There is still a lot of money to be made off of her, and Hollywood takes good care of its cash-cows. She might still be around when she’s 60 and release a children’s album opening with an endearing “Its Spears, my dears”. I would listen to that album. Everyone would.

Because after all it is Britney… bitch.