I lined up the lines at the bottom right of the picture to a button on the camera and fired each shot while changing the settings after each shot.  All that said, I don't think the shot came out "bad" but there are a lot of artifacts from the shots being slightly off that are there.

The shot is fairly dark and that was done on purpose to give it a slightly foreboding feel.  Don't know if I succeeded with that or not. :S

I have wrote twice in this blog that I'm not up to the journey back home but because of his request.. I made the booking and I just follow what he wants.. but now when this happen I really not up to it anymore.. if possible I don't want to go home.. well missing the wedding is just nothing at all.. I also miss out my brother wedding last time and this wedding in time around is not something that I'm up to anymore..

I think people back home will understands what I feel right now.. if I explain to my family I believed that they will understand my situation.. if he really want to go home..let it be.. he can go back alone as he wish and I don't care anymore..

I'm also worried about my 2nd year review in few months.. which one of the main reason I don't feel like going home as well.. I don't know what to do.. lets tomorow discussion with my supervisor will bring me some good news

My feeling:

Sometimes I really fedup with everything.. I always been the one who has to deal with anything.. just that I wish would be able to sit and let others take care of it for me..

Akhirnya gue bisa menulis dan mempublish post gue.

Dari beberapa minggu yang lalu, selalu aja ada halangan buat gue nulis post. Karena kepadatan yang terjadi dalam hari2 gue, yang membuat otak gue ruwet. Bukan padat karena tugas, tapi malah karena kegiatan2 yang harusnya membuat gue relax.

Begini kira2 jadwalnya, perincian menyusul.

Rabu 24 Sept - Jumat 26 Sept, gue retret di Berkah Anugrah. Tidur dini hari dan bangun pagi pertama jam 5.15, pagi kedua bangun 4.30 karena kecewa hari sebelumnya ga bisa ikut yoga. Tapi tetep ga ikut yoga karena ternyata pagi kedua alias pagi terakhir ga ada yoganya.

Jumat 26 Sept, pulang retret jam 12-an, tepar sebentar, jam 2 diseret ke Roxy buat beli HP, pulang jam 5, melanjutkan tepar sebentar, beres2 baju untuk ke Puncak sambil Chatting2 sampe malem.

Sabtu 27 Sept, pagi jam 4-5an bangun dan beres2, pergi ke Puncak. Di perjalanan ga tidur sama sekali.

Sabtu 27 Sept - Sabtu 4 Okt, di Puncak. Jeprat jepret. Duduk2. Napas2. Jalan2 keliling area villa bangun jam 5 sampe tulang kering nyeri. Nyanyi2. Ngakak2. Tidur2. Hari terakhir tidur jam 11-an.

Minggu 5 Okt, bangun jam 3, pulang ke Jakarta, berangkat jam 3.30an, tepar dingin2 berteman angin oleh kaca mobil yang terbuka maka ga bisa tidur dengan nyaman selama perjalanan, sampe rumah jam 5.30, beres2 barang2, tidur lagi sampe jam 8an. Trus confirm2 buat pergi ngerjain tugas kelompok di CL jam 12. Jam 10.45 berangkat dari rumah, jemput temen, sampe jam setengah 12. Blahblahblah di CL sampe jam 5-6 sore. Pulang. dsb2 trus OL malem2 sampe kira2 jam 00.30.

Senin 6 Sept, pagi2 diajak pergi makan sama Bokap Nyokap dan ade gue yang paling kecil karena sisanya sekolah. Trus ke Indogrosir. Trus pulang. Trus malemnya ke Pluit Junction, nyobain wi-fi pake HP baru tapi malah kemakan pulsa 7ribuan. Pulang malem2. Ga online c, tapi SMSan sampe ketiduran jam 22.30-an.

Selasa 7 Sept, yakni hari ini, jam 11-an ke sekolah buat pergi bareng anak2 PMR angkatan 13 sekolah gue, dengan jumlah lengkap hai ini 13 orang, dengan gue satu2nya anggota yang berwarna baju 'geser' agak jauh. Pulang barusan, dan mulailah gue blogging.

Ada saat2 dimana gue udah online dan membuka wordpress buat nulis. Lembar untuk nulis udah kebuka. Tapi gue malah chatting dan jadi ga niat nulis. Dan hal yang pengen gue tulis jadi numpuk di otak dan ga ketulis2. Pengen cerita tentang retret, HP baru, upload foto2 gue yang di Puncak, acara anniversary 13 barusan, dan cerita yang laen2 lagi. Tapi karena pasti akan panjang sekali kalo ditulis dalam 1 post, jadi mending gue nulis beberapa post baru.

Berapa ya post yang akan gue tulis hari ini? Berapa yang gue tunda lagi? :D Atau ada yang malah dicancel? :) Atau malah ga ditulis semua lagi? :|

Ya ampun aku moody sekali..

かけがえのないもの - by ZARD

しばらく音信不通だったけど
偶然ロビーで再会して(あって)
声をかけた…ホッとする君は　変わらない笑顔で

あの人は勝ち組なのかと
しばらくはわだかまりがあって
あの頃の想い出が　今甦ってきたよ

かけがえのないもの　love　時間(とき)を忘れて
だんだん話に夢中になって
出逢えてよかった…
ぎこちなかったけど
それは手を繋ぐときめき

この降りそそぐ ビルの星空に
ふと孤独感(ひとりきり)がよぎる
自宅を出る 一歩手前までは
いつもと変わらない自分がいて

あれから どうしているのかと
ずーっと思っていたけど
あの頃 心の門閉ざして
近くて 遠い人だった

かけがえのないもの
君と話していると
伝染してくるよ 嬉しい事も
君の悲しみも 全部受けとめたい
昨日と違う朝日が昇る
(心の)泉から溢れ出るこの気持ち

かけがえのないもの
それはあなたよ
こんなに距離が縮まってきたよ
太陽がふりそそぐ
丘に佇み

absolutely invaluable love
absolutely invaluable love again
Oh… so long long long time
I give you, everything.

I have never in my life smoked a cigarette. Never really cared to beyond the merest curiosity. Today I could have really used one. Almost went and bought some actually. I was out doing errands and my mind felt so painfully bored and numb that I could hardly stand it. Then the thought of going down by the river and smoking a cigarette seemed strangely calming and very fitting of my sour mood. And I didn't want to get high because I wanted to be fully in the moment - to fully wallow in it. If it hadn't of been for my lack of make-up and just wearing house clothes, I would have turned that car around and gone to the nearest gas station. Unfortunately for me, the idea of walking into a gas station with no make-up and wearing a shirt that not only exposed a good three inches of midriff but was see-through enough that you could make out my bra did not sound appealing. A little white trash for me.

Tonight, while I was out, I drove by the river. When I was in high school that was the place to be on Saturday night. Every little town I've been to has a strip. The place where all the little kiddies gather to drive around in circles in their cars, picking up chicks or being picked up, getting high and/or drunk. Whatever. One town I was at, poor souls, their strip was the Sonic drive-thru down the way to some other parking lot and back again. The river was our strip. So like I said, I drove down there tonight. Completely barren. It's been quite a while since I've driven there. They've cleaned it up quite a bit. There's even a fence around the park area now. Weird. Guess the cops finally decided to crack down on the place. I always wondered why they never did anything before. The river's just a stones throw away from the police department. All they would have had to do was park a cop car down there and it would have totally killed the mood and send the kids scattering. Maybe they did. Thus the barrenness. I wonder where the high schoolers go these days.

****

"life does not cease to be funny when someone cries
nor does it cease to be serious when someone laughs"

Thanks, K.

****

Happiness does not always end with death.

****

I said sane, self-righteous shmuck. And, no, it's not. I finally admitted it; I'm tired of convincing myself otherwise.

****

you don't hope
you just do.
there is no what if.
you are strong enough if you know you are strong enough.

I don't know what to say in reply. I've said these to other people before, and now I'm the one hearing it. As if I need reminding. aww.. sh*t. I do need reminding! What the hell happened to me?!

Then, to top it off, Sarah and I joined our friend Peter (who plays trumpet in band and goes to Covenant Presbyterian church) to sing "Carol of the Bells" in the Arch. Now, if you don't know what the Arch is, I'll try to explain. (It's actually our mascot.) It is a hallway with beautiful arched ceilings made of stone....(aparently Pastor Tony has mopped it several times?).  Here's the outside of it:

The accoustics are so wonderful that the echo lasts for a whole second. It sounded beautiful! Sarah, Peter, and I agree that band members have the most fun at Moody. Tomorrow is our all-day, band fall social, and only the people in charge know where we're going. To the rest of us, it's a SECRET! :) All we know is that it will be 10 degrees cooler, and to dress warmly.

But, with all that, I cannot wait to come home to Kansas. Michigonians and Alaskans are hilarious, Californians are clever and outgoing, Iowians are great, Missourians are cool.....but I miss my Kansans! Hope to see you soon! Somehow, though, I must get my Old Testament homework done in two weeks. Please pray that God will give me strength and energy to read and write about all next 13 books of the Bible (including Psalms), and that I would gain something from it.

Soli Deo Gloria,

~April

Hindi ko alam kung saan o kanino ko yan nakuha. Parang wala ata, basta ko na lang naisip. Pero alam kong may nakaisip na rin niyan bukod sa 'kin kaya di ko masasabing original yan.

Mabilis akong matawa, magalit, sumaya, malungkot. Moody ako. Kahit sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko, kahit sobrang dami ng inaalala at problema, nagagawa kong iwaksi sa isip ko yun. Nagagawa kong ngumiti at tumawa. Di nga lang masasabing tunay na ngiti at tawa yun. Sa isang taon kong pagkawala sa piling ng barkada at mahal ko, sa isang taon na puro anxiety at puro problema sa pamilya, napansin ko na nagbago ang tawa ko. Nahuli ko na lang ang sarili ko na pagak na ang tawa. Peke na ang tunog.

Nagagawa kong kalimutan ang problema. Pero di rin nagtatagal, malungkot na naman. Hindi iilang beses kong pinag-isipang tapusin na ang buhay na 'to. Di iilang beses na sumagi sa isip ko kung gaano kadaling mamatay. Madalas ay habang hawak ko ang kutsilyo habang naggagayat ng kung ano, maiisip ko na konting dulas lang ng kutsilyo, malalaslas ko na ang pulso ko, madali nang magkulong sa banyo hanggang maubusan ako ng dugo at walang makakapansin. Pero nasa matinong pag-iisip pa ako para maalala na one way ticket to hell ang suicide. Ayoko lang mapunta sa impyerno dahil baka wala doon ang Mommy ko, kaya hindi ko pa naitutuloy.

Ang Mommy ko na kinuha Niya bago ko pa man lubos na makilala. Para sa 'kin, siya ang pinakamabait na taong nakilala ko---ulirang anak, kapatid, ina. Pero di ko siya kilala bilang tao, hindi ko alam ang kalakasan at kahinaan niya. Bata pa ako nung kinuha siya sa amin, pero madami na akong nabasang kwento na kapag ganon, nasa langit lang siya, sinusubaybayan kami. At di niya gugustuhing malungkot kami sa pagkawala niya. Siguro yun yung inisip ko at pinanghawakan kaya mabilis akong nakarecover. O siguro dahil bata pa ako.

Nung nalaman ko ang pagkawala niya, naiyak ako, nagkulong sa kwarto at nagwala. Nataong walang pasok noong burol kaya wala akong magawa. Walang tv dahil inalis lahat ng gamit sa sala namin at itinambak sa isang kwarto sa 2nd floor para maging clear sa bisita. Hindi ako mahilig sa music kaya walang kwenta ang radyo. Hindi ako mahilig magbasa ng libro, pero para malibang ko ang sarili ko, isinubsob ko ang sarili ko sa mga textbooks at kung anu-anong libro. Palagi lang ako sa taas, mag-isa. Ayokong makihalubilo sa mga nakikiramay. Ayokong marinig ang paulit-ulit na kwento ng tatay ko kung anong nangyari. Tuwing may bagong darating, syempre magtatanong at kailangan niyang sagutin. Ayoko siyang harapin, o ang mga kapatid ko. Hindi ko sila kinakausap. Bahala na yung katulong sa kanila.

Ayokong isipin ang nangyari. May panahon pa nga noon, siguro panaginip, na inisip ko na buhay pa siya, nagbakasyon lang sa kung saan, at babalik din. Tanggap ko na wala na siya, pero di ko napigilan ang sarili ko na mangarap.

Inaalala ng mga matatanda na baka matrauma kami. Baka ipacheck pa kami sa psychologist at i-therapy pagkatapos nun. Ayoko. Kaya nakihalubilo rin ako sa mga pinsan ko. Nakisali sa mga card games, nakitawa sa mga biruan at kwentuhan habang nasa lamay. Pero sa gabi, kapag mag-isa na, di ko mapigilang maiyak. Nakakatulugan ko yung ganon.

Ayokong silipin yung kabaong. Sinilip ko lang nung bago dalhin sa simbahan nung araw na ng libing. Una at huling sulyap. Hanggang ngayon, malinaw pa rin sa isip ko ang alaalang yun. Patunay na wala na siya, hindi na babalik.

Nagawa kong tumawa habang nakaburol siya sa bahay namin. Kaya nagawa ko ring tumawa pagkatapos ng libing. Nakisaya, nakipaglaro sa mga kaibigan. Pero pagkatapos noon, lagi akong sinasabihan ng isa kong teacher na ngumiti ako. Di ko naman napapansin na sumisimangot ako. Lagi ko ngang pinipilit na ngumiti at tumawa dahil ayokong kaawaan nila ako dahil sa nangyari. Kailangan ipakita na matatag.

Nililibang kami ng dad ko. Kumuha siya ng tutor kahit na matataas naman ang grades namin. Siguro to compensate for the mother who should've been there to teach us. Pinatira niya muna yung isa naming pinsan sa bahay para may kasama kami (o para may kasama ako, dahil mas matanda sa 'ming magkakapatid yun kaya ako ang lagi niyang kasama).

Pero mas madalas akong mag-isa sa bahay, nagbabasa ng libro, umaalis sa realidad at ini-immerse ang sarili sa kwento. Nahilig sa pagbabasa, dahil sa pagbabasa ako nakakalimot.

Hindi ako masaya. Oo, sinusubukan kong maging okay. Sinusubukan kong maging malakas para sa ating dalawa. Kung naisusulat ko man yung pagtawa o pagngiti, dala na lang yun ng pagkakataon. Hindi dahil nakasulat ang "haha" ay natatawa ako. Minsan, naisulat ko lang yun dahil magandang panapos ng kumento. Ayoko na ngang marinig ang tawa ko sa ngayon, dahil parang pilit, parang walang buhay. Hindi dapat ganon eh. Hindi na ako ang siyam na taong gulang na batang nawalan ng magulang. Hindi na ako ganoon kababaw para matawa ng totoo sa kung anu-anong bagay lang sa kabila ng problemang pinagdaraanan. Pero ako pa rin yung batang naghahanap ng mapaglilibangan para makalimutan ang sakit kahit saglit. Yung batang nangangarap na hindi totoo ang nangyayari, na magiging maayos ang lahat.

Sana maging maayos ang lahat. May pag-asa pa naman... Ayokong itanong kung meron, because it won't matter. Gusto kong paniwalaan na meron, kaya meron. Ayoko pang sumilip sa kabaong at gawing konkreto ang bagay na kinatatakutan ko.

Ipinagdarasal kita lagi. Have faith. Lumaban ka, please... Mahal na mahal kita...

And I was right about another thing. I hoped I wasn't, but it was so predictable. I was right. Right about wrongs. I feel so stupid for hoping for the opposite when all the signs point to it.

Uulitin ko na yung wish ko more than a year ago: Sana ******** **** ********.

Naiinggit ako sa mga taong nakakatulog kaagad at nang dire-diretso. Yung mga taong hindi nagigising oras-oras. Mga taong nakakatulog ng maaga at nagigising ng late na. Mga taong hindi nagpapaiba-iba ng posisyon sa pagtulog para makahanap ng pwestong kumportable, only to give up trying to fall back to sleep para tumulala sa kisame. Sana magkasakit na lang ako. Sana akin na lang ang sakit mo.

I never thought I'd say this, but... Pagod na pagod na akong mag-isip.

****

"What do we call the people who don't do what they should?"

"Stupid."

****

"You're one of the strongest 16(17)-year-olds I know."

"I believe in you."

"I'll beat the emo out of you."

"This, too, shall pass."

****

Please help me cry...

May mga taga-FEU kasi sa tv, sa tfc.

As in wat-e-burrrr. Yung nakanguso pa kahit tapos nang sabihin yung burrrr. Ewan ko kung ano pumasok sa isip ko at naisagot ko yun. Hehe. Isyu ba 'to?! O_O

****

Merong commercial ng phone card sa TFC. May batang lalaki dun na tumatawag kuno sa tatay niya, at sabi, "Dad, Malapit na birthday ko ha.."

Sagot naman ang dad  ko: "Paki ko?"

Hirit pa yung bata sa commercial: "Tawag ka ha..."

Dad ko ulit: "Sige, tatawag lang."

Paano ba yan, nasa 'Pinas ako sa birthday ko next year. Syempre di ako papayag na walang pabirthday dad ko. (Last birthday ko, wala akong hiningi dahil parang walang direksyon ang buhay ko nung panahong yun, kasi matagal pa ang pag-uwi ko sa 'pPnas.) Tama na yung $$$$ na lang, kahit wag na siyang tumawag. Hehe.

Rollouts have been busy of late as it is getting to the end of the project. Next week sees me with over 1000km of driving. Should be fun!!

In other news, I have ordered and received the body for my jazz bass project. A nice alder body with spalted maple top finished in tobacco burst. Here is a link to it http://www.warmoth.com/showcase/bodies/large/BP323A.jpg.

I am looking at a blocked and bound maple neck with a rosewood fingerboard. I already have the black hardware for it, and I am also in the process of determining the electronics for it. Currently on the list are some Nordstand Vintage humcancelling pickups and possible a Sadowsky preamp. Have also been perusing the Italia Straps site in search of a strap for it, and Mono for a gig bag for it. I might just go for another Moody strap if I can find a colour I like!! :) Any suggestions?

I also have a food review to bring you and some more clothing updates! :)

On a Monday you are probably busy rushing around, but try fitting a walk into your day. If you think you don’t have time, think again! How to fit in a calming walk:

• Walk to work, walk home from work, or just walk to a bus stop a little further away.
• On your lunch break walk to a nice spot to eat lunch.
• If you work from home, walking outside in your lunch break will really help.
• Take the dog for a walk yourself instead of getting someone else to do it – dogs are great company too!
• You could also try walking the kids home from school.

These are just a few ideas, so find your own way to fit a walk in. It doesn’t have to be long, but it is guaranteed to clear your mind.

Moody Monday is a weekly feature that gives you simple tips that can improve your life step by step and help you face the coming week...

If it does, I certainly have not been involved in helping it happen. My idea of "relaxing" would be talking to friends, gazing out the window while traveling on the EL, doing homework, reading the Old Testament, or eating in the SDR (Student Dining Room). As far as breaks go, there are very few. SInce most Moody students are very busy working and taking classes, when we do have a break, the most likely decision we make is to take a 45-minute nap. Then, our break is over, and we must jump up and continue on our way. If I ever do have an extended break, I feel terribly distracted and not able to enjoy it, because my body is so used to buzzing around from place to place. :(

Good news, though! I have finally found a church I love. It is called Covenant Presbyterian, and it was where my Pastor Tony went fifteen years ago when he was a student at Moody. :)

Not only do I agree with their doctrine, but there are many children and music opportunities. It is everything I really wanted, and I didn't expect there to be a church with doctrine, children, and music all combined. I have visited many good churches, but they were all extremely different. I'm not sure I could spend every Sunday going to any of them. One pastor had many tattoos all over his body and the congregation was mostly young couples. Another was a baptist church with an altar call, and many elderly men and women. Another was a Spanish church that was focused mainly on helping those in gangs around the surrounding neighborhood by giving them hope and sharing the Gospel to those in desperate need. It was a blessing to have have visited all of these, because it gives me a much broader perspective on Christ's church. Now, though, I am ready to become a part of a great church! My roommate also enjoyed it, and might join me. 

The passage the sermon went through today was Phil. 2:1-11:

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

I bolded the main points the pastor talked about. To briefly cover it, while we grasp, clutch, and grab onto selfishness and authority (it all started with the Garden of Eden); God Himself willingly made Himself nothing and a nobody to draw us to Himself and to glorify Him. How humbling! How strange and yet so, so glorious.

Soli Deo Gloria,

~April

Everyday I was thinking, should I continue or just leave. All I need, just my own time to do my things. Now, I don't have anytime to do my own thing. From 10am starts, I need to work work work until my job finish only can leave my company. When I home, maybe already 10pm, sometimes 11pm, sometimes 12pm, and sometimes maybe later than those time.

I feel tired, it's not because of I am still young then I have to work more. Yes, I know that, I didnt blame that the company give me more works. But I just dislike back late everyday. I feel bad bad bad. I do feel bad extremely.

And now, I am stuck.

LEAVE? OR... STAY?

Most nights, I cope well enough that I get over feeling irritated and roll over and go back to sleep, but I seem to have carried that irritation through with me to this morning.  I'm all too well aware that this is due in part completely to there be several other issues on the table that I am trying to sort out... deal with.... cope with... accept... ?  I don't know what the exact word would be... they are all frustrations.

The previous night (Thursday,) the kidlet had brought friends home after work - a fairly late hour again - and then they proceeded to come in and out of the house throughout the wee hours of the morning, each and every entry and exit punctuated by the "beep beep" of our security system announcing the door being opened.  Between their chatter and the door, I did not have a great sleep.  I am a light sleeper at best (only Seroquel makes it so I can actually sleep soundly) and her continued entrances and exits also made hubby flip flop in bed which exacerbated my sleeping situation.  But, unfortunately this is only half the story.  Yesterday i went downstairs to shut off her Xbox and her computer that she left running while she went out.  Upon entering her room, I was greeted with the pungent and distinctive smell of marijuana.  At least now I know why they were in and out all night!  Well, I have since had a chat with the kidlet informing her that, as she already knows, we don't agree with drugs and further, that if I ever catch her or her friends outside smoking, it will be taken away and her friends will not be permitted over.  The same goes for if I find pot in her room - her friends will not be permitted to come over.  The only thing to her credit at this point is that while having the discussion with her, she initially had started down the path of denial about why her room would smell like marijuana but fairly quickly turned it around to one of accepting that I knew that was what had gone on.

That was my morning... or was it afternoon?  It's been one blur into the next.

Next thing on my irritation list?  Since hubby has found out he is returning to work and that this return will be to his former employer, his mood has fluctuated been being happy about it to being downright angry and negative.  As I listen to his comments go from one of "This is great, I love my job" to "My boss is such an asshole." I find myself trying to figure out how the hell do deal with things and more, I'm reminded of what it was like while hubby worked for his boss.  Mainly, I think hubby likes his job - no... he loves it actually, but his boss is someone who would test the mettle and patience of the most easy going person.  Anyway... I have been dealing a lot with hubby being angry at his boss, angry at the rehab people and just downright negative.  Negativity is something I can understand, but at the same time, I see it as something we have control over.... that is, we can look at something - be negative about it - or figure out what it is that we can be positive about and focus in on that and put the negative stuff someplace until we figure out how we are going to deal with the issues.   I mean I know that hubby's boss is an a-hole... I have heard it a thousand times and I'm sure hubby has thought it ten thousand times ... but, is there any purpose in saying it over and over?  How about accepting that his boss is who his boss is and let it go.  Focus in on how much you love your job?  I tried to talk to hubby about this last night - at least the part of how the negativity is affecting me, but all I got in reply was "I won't complain to you."  My question to him was: "How can I help you through this?  I know your boss isn't the nicest guy in the world but we have to come up with a better way to deal with this."  *sigh*  I don't have an answer for this problem at the moment.  Tends to be the way with many of life's problems. But, maybe it is a case of this isn't my problem but one hubby must figure out?  I don't know... from a distance it appears that way but if it affects me, then it then becomes my problem too.  No?

Almost done with being irritated!  Blogging does help me in this regard.  Get it out so I can not think about it.  Or at least feel like I've given myself some clarity on things.

Neeeeeeext!  Last night when the kidlet came home from work at about 11:15, she arrived with a friend in tow.  After coming upstairs, we had our usual "How was work?" chat.  Just before going back downstairs she says to us:  "I want to sleep in until at least 12:30 tomorrow.  Can you please take my calls and tell people that?"  Welllll.... my response was "Hell no!"  Okay, maybe not quite that abrupt or blunt, but I did say that she could field her own phone calls and tell people she was sleeping in.  Since when did I become an answering service?  Hubby's reply was different - of course!  He agreed to do it.  In the midst of this discussion as kidlet was still around, she stated she wanted to sleep in because she was tired where at that point, I responded that she should go to bed by a decent time instead of staying up all night with her friends.  Anyways, my words of advice ignored because hubby had agreed that "we" would answer the phone, kidlet returned downstairs to her friend.  I rolled over to hubby and said: "I'm not answering the phone.  If you want to screen her calls you go ahead, but I'm tired of answering the phone because you and her sleep till all hours of the day."  His reply.... one of ... twisted but irrelevant logic: "You know I'd do it for you."   Yeah right!  "Sure you would, hon, except that I never sleep that late."  Discussion closed.  Me... still irritated.

One last irritation for my day then I'll stop blogging as this is turning into one rather long bitch session... The dogs.  Again, being the one who gets up at a decent hour, I'm the one who usually lets them out.  Once in a while they still escape the yard... I will find their escape route soon.  So, now, while I blog... I have two dogs running wild and free in the neighborhood and as the only responsible adult in the house who is UP, I have to go and find the little buggers.

Okay... I am grumpy.  Very grumpy!

Bye for now

I still stand by this principle: If you don't like what you see, get the hell out.

Hindi sapat na dahilan yung mali o kasinungalingan o kalokohan yung sinabi/sinulat. Dahil hindi iisa ang takbo ng isip ng mga tao. Masyado nang subjective ang katotohanan; pwedeng hindi totoo para sa'yo ang totoo para sa karamihan. Kaya nga may individuality na tinatawag. Kaya nauso yung uniqueness. Kaya talamak na ang weird. So mali yung sinabi. Eh ano ngayon?! Di ka pinipilit na magtama ng mali. Kung mali siya, hayaan mo lang. Maraming ibang taong sumasang-ayon sa kanya. Siguro naman sapat na yun para bigyan ng credibility yung sinabi niya at patunayang tama siya.

Bakit ka affected?

Wag kang feelingero/feelingera. Hindi iyon sinulat para sa'yo. Wala kang karapatang magreact ng negatibo dahil hindi hinihingi ang opinyon mo.

Okay lang naman magcomment ng kritisismo, pero tantyahin mo rin kung nakakaoffend na ba. Konting pasintabi at baka may nasasagasaan ka na. Kung gusto mong manira, dun ka sa sarili mong teritoryo at hindi sa teritoryo pa ng sisiraan mo.

Magkaiba ang defense at offense. Di ka tanga para hindi malaman yan. Sa basketball pa lang, ginagamit na yan. Kung pakiramdam mo ikaw yung pinapatamaan nung sinulat, depensahan mo ang sarili mo sa sarili mong teritoryo. Opensiba na kung wala namang ginagawang masama sa'yo pero siniraan mo pa rin.

Bakit ka ba talaga affected?

One big issue: grammar (okay, two: grammar and spelling). I admit that I'm no angel. I scrutinize other people's grammar. I laughed at them. (I still do, when the blatant disregard of grammar is the side effect of trying so hard to use English to show-off when they could've just used Filipino). But it's been a while since I allowed myself to lower my standards. I tried to just see what the writing is about and not react about the errors. It also helped that I've read other people's writings (blogs), writings that are far better than mine---in content and in structure. It puts everything into perspective. Ergo, I realized that I'm not as good as I think I am. It instills humility in oneself.

Sure, you're an excellent writer. You think your grammar is impeccable. It still doesn't give you the right to tell others to shut up. If you don't like what you hear, don't listen. We are all human, with all the implications of the word. I'm not using that to justify mistakes; what I'm saying now is that we are human, therefore there is a great possibility that we'll commit mistakes, one way or other (typo, careless mistake, et cetera).

Bakit ba ako affected?

Wala lang. Sobrang dami na kasing opinionated na tao na wala sa lugar. Inilalaban nila yung kanilang freedom of expression, pero ino-oppress naman nila yung freedom of expression ng taong ginigisa nila.

Hindi ako nagmamalinis. Opinionated ako. At naging opinionated ako nang wala sa lugar dati. Pero iniiwasan ko na yun. Kung wala akong magandang iko-komento sa sinulat, hindi na lang ako nagsasalita. Sana kayo din.

I probably won't be posting again this week.. I would write now, since I have my computer screen to myself- but I'm about to go on a totally blind date. I've been on very few blind dates. I prefer to photo screen all potentials before I waste my makeup and heels on someone I might be disgusted by. But here is to escaping my mother's attention for a few hours....