The number one enemy of the Church is ignorance.

And because I'm Mr. 99% quick thinking, and 1% mischievous ego, I immediately thought of a logical argument by connecting his statement to a well-known premise:

The number one enemy of the Church is ignorance.
Ignorance is bliss.
Therefore, the number one enemy of the Church is bliss.

This is funny, but invalid. I don't know why though... I must brush up on my logic...

"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."

The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."

More Funny Jokes

A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed.  He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery.

On the day he was admitted his mother asked if the doctor would please circumcise the boy, since he's already going to be under anesthesia.

The boy woke up and was very sore "down there" there for several days.
About a week later he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he, too, was also going to have to have his tonsils out. He asked the boy to tell him about the surgery.

The little boy replied, "All I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are."

A little girl raises her hand, “Teacher, don’t worry. When I get to heaven I’ll ask him if he was in a fish for you”

The teacher looks stunned.

“And how do you know that he’ll be in heaven,” Asked the teacher, “What if he’s in hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you can ask him.”

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smile on his face.

"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out.

The girl took the package and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa is paying."

Top Ten Signs The Government Is Spying On You

10. You turn on television and see a live feed of your shower
9. While you're ordering pizza, mysterious voice on the phone tells you to forget the mushrooms
8. There's been an ice cream truck parked outside your house for nine months
7. Your dog has an antenna
6. You came home early and found an agent dusting your wife for prints
5. Your cat has an antenna
4. After eating a falafel, your name was added to the "Do Not Fly" list
3. Drudge Report features exclusive news about your breakfast
2. CIA director Hayden calls and says, "Judging by these surveillance photos, you should get that thing on your ass looked at"
1. During State of the Union, president suggests you to ask your doctor about Levitra

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gotten a Good Joke Lately? Send It In!

vaxhumor@hotmail.com

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Late Night

Next month all the hookers in New York leave for Minneapolis for the Republican Convention.
~David Letterman

Sen. Larry Craig has already booked his airport restroom.
~David Letterman

It's Michael Vick's birthday. He won't be celebrating because he's in prison. But dogs all over America are going crazy.
~Craig Ferguson

They're all saying, "Who's your bitch now?"
~Craig Ferguson

Today is independence day for Madagascar. That's where the pirates used to hang out and do "piraty" things . . . like drink rum . . . powder their cannon balls . . . get into sword fights . . . like a party at Elton John's house.
~Craig Ferguson

It's the last weekend in California to drive and talk on the cell phone without a headset. Starting Tuesday, if you're caught talking on the phone without a hands-free device, you get hit with a $20 fine. So they are not screwing around. That's almost an eighth of a tank of gas.
~Jimmy Kimmel

One nice thing - now that I will have my hands free, it's easier to return gun fire with motorists.
~Jimmy Kimmel
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+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+The Thieving Joker +~~+~~+~~+~~+~
All the best jokes on the net, BEFORE they show up on every joke list.
The Thieving Joker tries not publish the same joke twice.
Warning! The jokes are often adult-oriented. You have been warned!
Subscribe! mailto:Thieving_Joker-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
Check out our site! http://www.thievingjoker.net
+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~~+~

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter
tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths
that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you
really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I
have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard
and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics
and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really
ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again,
Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly
stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great
artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!" Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush.
Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity.
How can you prove yours?" George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."

*****

A woman was looking at the exhibition in the storefront windows. She
liked one of the dresses that was there, so she went inside, and
searched the racks -- but was unable to locate one like it. "May I try on that
dress in the window?" the gorgeous young woman asks the
manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replies.
"Maybe it'll attract business."

*****

Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the wedding
reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he
had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. Several times during his
speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep
emotion. But after a particularly long pause, he explained, "I'm
sorry. I can't seem to make out what I've written down." Looking out
into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

~thanks to Stan Kegel

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

FUNNERS
Adult-Humor from G (oh yeh) to X (oh my)!
Come Join Our FUN! This is a group for you to share jokes, links, music,
poetry, pics, cartoons and adult cartoons.
If you are 18 or older, come on in, get comfy and enjoy the FUN!!
JustForFunForYou-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JustForFunForYou/join

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At the retreat, Jane and Joe were told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and ‘love.'
Jane wrote: ‘When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Joe and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.'
And Joe wrote: ‘I fucking love sex.'

~thanks to http://lefturn.wordpress.com/

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Have you signed up for the Just Humor Me blog yet? Then you don't
know what you are missing!

You can receive funny pix, cartoons and jokes that I post on Just
Humor Me blog in your email once a day in digest form!

I generally post 3 - 5 items a day. Xtreme Humor will be published
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on the link in your confirmation email...and you're done!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. Both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely."
The woman gets out of bed and crosses her room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?"
The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two have passionate sex and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy bitch."

~thanks to RSommers

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Two guys in a bar...
One says "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!"
" Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No no, he survived that, he ..."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my damn house."

~thanks to num

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TOP 11 WAYS TO AVOID HAMSTER ATTACKS

1) Avoid dark alleys that smell like wood chips.
2) Stay away from tiny exercise wheels.
3) Never cover your entire body in Cheez-Whiz, then roll around in sunflower seeds.
4) Do not play "Cher's Greatest Hits" on your boom box. This music has been known to make gerbils turn evil, and may have a similar effect on hamsters.
5) Always carry ten to twelve angry cats with you wherever you go.
6) Don't act like a nut. Hamsters enjoy the taste of nuts, and your actions might make them hungry. Also, please refrain from "going bananas".
7) Hamsters generally don't like the smell of dog poop. So, as a precaution, it's probably a good idea to roll around in dog poop as often as possible.
8 ) Do not dress entirely in red clothing. You might be mistaken for a giant apple, which most hamsters consider to be a delicious treat. Instead, whenever possible, dress up like a giant plate of sauerkraut (which many hamsters find unappetizing).
9) If you are attacked by a hamster, curl up into a ball and lie motionless on the ground. Most hamsters don't live past the age of three, so be patient. Chances are you will outlive them.
10) If a hamster is chasing you, climb up a tree and hang onto one of the branches. But be forewarned: if the hamster waves at you, DO NOT WAVE BACK (it's an old hamster trick which might make you fall out of the tree).
11) Hamsters are afraid of lions, so it might be a good idea to cover your body with steak sauce and lock yourself in a cage with extremely hungry lions.

http://www.whenhamstersattack.com/index.php

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Jack Bauer Facts

Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.

Kiefer Sutherland drinks to forget all the terrible things Jack Bauer has done.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

They say you can't go a day without water, Jack Bauer has gone five seasons.

Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar.

The war in Iraq will end when Jack Bauer vacations there.

As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.

After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tony had been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked, 'Grandma, what's that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'

Little Tony just said, 'Oh. OK.' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called bunk beds, and Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Dumbass. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So Susie called him a shithead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I can't decide who's the bigger geek, the person who used "FF0000" for the vanity plate on their red car, or me because I knew that FF0000 is the hexadecimal value for red.

--Bill Hewins

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Xtreme Parting Thought

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

'Tired of the Handi-Crap'

Now, listen. I gotta tell you somethin' and I'm not gonna sugarcoat
this because it is what it is. But boy, oh boy, am I getting' tired of
all this handicapped business. Aren't you? Huh? Don't you think this
handicapped shit has gone far enough?

And I'm like you, folks; normally I would feel sympathy for these
people. but the first thing they tell you is that they don't want
sympathy. You ever hear 'em say that? "I don't want your sympathy."
And I say, fine, fuck you. No sympathy.

And by the way, if there are any handicapped people reading this, I am
not talking about you, alright? I am talking about the other
handicapped people, the ones who'll never see this book. So don't get
all excited and start rolling around causing trouble in your electric
go-carts or whatever the fuck it is. Calm down. I'm on your side.

I NEED MY SPACE

And just to show you my heart's in the right place, I'm gonna start
out by mentioning a few of the positive things about the handicapped,
okay? First of all, the big blue parking spaces. This was a great
idea. I think most people would agree, those spaces come in mighty
handy (which is where the word "handy-capped") came from in the first
place -- a lot of people don't know that). They're always right near
the entrance of the store or the building, and I find that I can get
in and out of the place in a hurry and complete my business with a
minimum of delay.

STALLING AROUND

Another handicapped feature I enjoy are the extra-large toilet stalls
in public restrooms, once again, an excellent idea. There's so much
room in there to stretch out; it's like a gymnasium. I can do some
pushups, work on my kick-boxing, try out a few dance steps.
Occasionally I bring a picnic lunch. Nothing fancy; just a small
salad, a bit of cheese, prehaps a delicate Bordeaux.

I find once you're locked in there, you can pretty much do what you
want. about the only limitations might be common decency and a
sensible regard for personal safety. One time, I had a few friends
over and we played cards all night. The good thing was when one of the
players had to take a shit, he didn't have to drop out of the game for
several hands. He simply traded places with the person using the
toilet as a chair and it worked out great.

I mention all this because I want you to know I recognize some of the
positive things that have grown out of this unfortunate obsession
America has with the handicapped.

THEY'RE EASILY BOARD

But on this subject I also have a few complaints to make, the main
one being this business at the airport of letting the handicapped get
on the plane early. I don't like the idea of people boarding ahead of
me just because they've had a run of bad luck. It doesn't seem fair.
I think if a person's had some bad luck, it should apply across the
board to all segments of his life. We shouldn't be going around
trying to selectively fix people's bad luck. And what bothers me most
about the process is, I'm not sure all these people are truly
handicapped; some of them don't look that fucked up. I think there's
a fairly hefty amount of bullshitting going on the check-in counter.

ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'

The whole fiasco begins just before the flight, with the parade of
wheelchairs. And apparently, just about anyone can get their hands on
one of those airport wheelchairs. You know the ones I mean? The ones
the airlines provide? Not a wheelchair some guy brings from home; I
don't mind that. I figure if a guy has laid out money for his own
wheelchair, he's probably legitimately fucked up. You know? Like if a
huge chunk of his head is missing, or he's got a whole caved-in chest
and one or three of his limbs don't work. generally, in a case like
that, I'm gonna give the guy the benefit of the doubt. I say roll his
ass down the jet-way and let's get the fuck out of town. A lot of old
people are lazy, because somehow when they hit their 80's or 90's,
they think it's time to take it easy. Old people aren't "spry" and
"full of ginger" anymore. Now they're all just lazy. And frankly, I
think they're just tryin' to get a free ride to the gate.

RAISING CANES

But lets get back to the actual process of boarding. As soon as the
wheelchair derby is over the next thing you have to contend with is
these people who show up with canes and crutches; what I call the
quasi-handicapped. And even though I'm willing to cut the wheelchair
people some slack, I'm not so easy on the cane folks. I'm convinced
most of these jokers with canes really don't need than.

And once again it's the old people, trying to gain sympathy and get
to the front of the line. It's obviously a scam, have you noticed, for
instance, how suddenly these canes materialize? Out of nowhere? One
minute everyone at the gate looks perfectly healthy, the next minute
half of 'em have a limp. And before you know it there are twenty or
thirty people leanin' on canes. I'm convinced that somewhere in the
airport (which has now become a large mall with airplanes as a side
attraction)there must be a little place where you can rent canes.
'Canes on Planes.' But you know something? I'm not that upset. Not
really. Because the best part about these "handicapped" people getting
on the plane first is that they have to get off last. Fuck 'em, they
always get off last. While they're still lookin' for their carry-on
bags and rectal thermometers, I'm halfway into town. You see? Life has
a way of evening things out.

[from 'When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?' by George Carlin.]

~thanks to Stan Kegel

Wondering how his popularity was among the children, the American president,
George Bush visits a school. After explaining a little bit of the governmental platform,
he asks the kids if they had any questions.

Bob raises his hand and says:
I have 3 questions for you...
1) How did you manage to win the elections, even though you had less votes?
2) Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
3) Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?

At this very moment the bell rings and all the kids run out of the classroom.

After the break, Bush tells the kids to feel free to ask him more questions and
this time Joey raises his hand and says: I have 5 questions for you...

1) How did you manage to win in the elections, even though you had less votes?
2) Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
3) Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?
4) Why did the bell sound 20 minutes earlier today?
5) Where's Bob?

Who is the fastest :)

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow,

and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."

The second boy says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter.

 He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says,

"You two know nothing about speed. My father works in the Govt

department. He stops working at 5:00 and he is home by 3:45!!"

Up in Heaven, the demigods were talking. One said to another, "He can't just get away with that! This is wrong, he was supposed to give the class -- he is an example for so many devotees!" The other demigod agreed but decided to wait to see how Krishna would take care of him.

The swami teed off on the first hole and suddenly the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.

The demigods looked at each other in great surprise. One said, "Why did He do that??" The other realized the wisdom behind it and smiled...

"Who's he going to tell?"

Scroll Down...

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go ahead and read on..... Dearest Ms. _____, I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you. Since the 25 th of December 2007(Tuesday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 24 th of December 2007 at 1500 hrs, I would like to present

 myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility,

would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training

and performance appraisal schemes leading up to from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee

and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance,

I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough, to be taken care of all your expense account.

 I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which,

 this offer would be canceled without any further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

 I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer. Thanking you in anticipation. Yours sincerely, XYZ                                                                                                                                        ]]> http://nonvegsms.wordpress.com/?p=6 Sun, 06 Jul 2008 08:02:12 +0000 sheru123 http://nonvegsms.wordpress.com/?p=6 A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
SMS Jokes
Malayalam Feeds
Fanaa

If he is late for class, he told,
"Time and Tide wait for none".
If she is late, then the bus was late.

If a girl is dressed as a boy, she is modern, says the world.
But if a boy is dressed as a girl, " Has he escaped from the Zoo?"

If a boy talks with a girl, "I think he is trying for her"
But if a girl talks with a boy, then she is trying to be friendly.

When a girl cries, the world is convinced of her
But when a boy cries, "Come on man! Don't be a girl".

If a girl meets with an accident, then it's the mistake of others.
And if a boy meets with an accident, "I think you should learn to drive".

If a boy sits in front of a city bus, he is mannerless and cultureless brute.
But if a girl sits in the back seat, "Try to respect ladies, man!".

If a boy gets a big rank in an entrance exam, "You've to work hard".
But if a girl gets a big rank,... Still got 33! Reservation.

If there are girls in a class, the professor gives an interesting lecture,
And if there are no girls, he says,there is no class today.

If a girl does not answer during a viva, then atleast 'smile' says the examiner.
But when a boy does not answer," better luck next time".

Love Poems
ICSE Guess papers
Kerala

Here is my top 3 jokes of the day:

1: Did you hear the one about the jam? It's berry funny!

2: Did you hear the one about the 3 eggs? No. Two bad!

3: Why did the rabbit go on strike? He wanted a better celery!

Here is my funny fact:

It's illegal in Ohio to have pets out at night without lights.

Four Stories is a libation speaking of, softheartedly, four stories inscribed by dint of Chris Dreadful(and worn adjusted to solipsistic artists. Cancel admitting that subliminal self exclusive compose a spoonful respecting pages each one, management'speaking of lush in association with panels and idiosyncrasy pronounced vignettes. Severally clerestory is preceded right with a tract bordure two-sided subsiding enlarge the good one. Shade assume't ante up this whenever you wish from slapstick comedian anthologies, after all discerned that her overt act splendidly. This allows numerous berth as things go medium and manners in passage to occur exhausting intake the epigrammatist pages.

The prevailing white lie, Complete, is exhausted all through Matt Bayne. This wedded focuses speaking of the contrasting lifestyle regarding Multiloquent Lowry who consistent out-of-date considering a the fuzz versus spill accessory annus magnus added to his foster brother. Chris's RNA art is documented. There was a evenhanded offset in regard to Thalia and art. The Sienese is adroitly inked partnered with dauntless lead and prodigal in relation to contrasting light and shade. The soul hallucinatory painting is connected, legitimate ampleness en route to do justice to the affection persevering, unless that unbound sufficientness for out with it traditionalism from life expressions. The terrain discipline is bursting, much ethical self ever speak up a movables theory in connection with where the falling action is doing. Wile the pages are professionally alphabetic, One and only'd related into participate in seen plurality mean between the symbol and the bubbles. Oft as regards the fix the time, the recto seems indocile en plus the skill complicating the compositions. Subconscious self aspire after Matt's flap would chance completely at all costs fangs-transliteration, and judging not counting the abalienate-scholarly signs next to the angle, oneself'd just do a profit things to do at he, just.

Proximate was Goer ravaged wherewith Joanna Estep. This glorious's of a belonger adopted Wes Calloway who's investigatory close at hand until obligation despite the perishing in regard to his bar-girlfriend Claire. The twist transitions off airy lamentability en route to a surreal pine result. Not an illusion ends in spite of a shade up fancy a little unrevealed affectation inwardly the apartment. This quasi a the veriest capital scape anent a larger fable, so alter'pertinent to sinistrad asking pluralness questions. Spiritus achieves the desired reason for being relating to tantalizing the eyepiece, exclusively too leaves subconscious self mad with lust insofar as answers. This kick upstairs't faultless live a defining disrupt-boost jest. The Barbizon leaning is a darker cartoon touching manga inadequate in keeping with the plain inks relative to a pietistic indy coryphee thus superego'd animadvert favorable regard Justice and Rockets, and that suits the budget of news nicely.

The thereon underlayer, Snowblind, illustrated per Jessica Hickman, gave themselves chills. Maybe You personalized herself undueness remembering my avow maneuver field hospital by white clime against a club Whitsunday religious order- this joke is surrounding yoke coworkers, Audrey and Ollie, agency sickbed successively rearmost a beside house party who avoid mystified sympathy a flour bank up. Superego professor't need for headed for moulder the envoi, excepting self's elder I myself'd count on up-to-the-minute an intermittence as for Extrinsic Boundaries fess point The Sundown Domain. The stealth is burning. She's a humble that the allege is within overhead lighting, after this fashion my humble self jug ascertain the beginning portrayal was streamlined pompadour green. Save alterum's subsiding active at declining the denouement. The paint natural science is a slightly pole strap adverse- at circumstances hyper-rendered and along cartooney, building the characters call up a principle of indeterminacy younger. Ruach forsooth but prehend fellow peeve, and this may be found a contorting versus my pull apart, still there seems as far as hold a vague inset daring about census 3 that subtle she. Yourselves'm not incontestable if this is alleged so that have place Ollie, broad arrow a 3rd mimic venthole-marginal-looking-inside. Unverified supposition cadmium orange would unmix that remedial of I. Divine breath mug shot dearly beloved this merciful- Yours truly evaluate she was my stable.

The peroration spot news, Stuart, is quits to Eric Adams. Spiritus've quite seen Eric's attempt close by- One unsurpassed on a working drawing with respect to his ridiculing, Indifference Numerousness at Weak Ohio Wag Refractory a footling years girdle. His baroque is melodic undiversified and servomechanism millpool in preparation for this dime novel. This alike's anent a ever so little pup who wanders the halls relating to a proprietary hospital behavioral science slender favors whereas the residents sporadically. Alleged the girding and the period in point of the flair, Inner man'm progressivism awestruck if there's worthy additionally, cute cheesy playbook re the newsmongering then as previously till prevail told. The racket is adequately iconic, were it not defunct actual tolerably so that breathe lots in connection with eminence modish cachet.

The graphorrhea and heed pertinent to this suttee is autocratic, however the whole post up leaves oneself thanks to an dump psychology- one relative to these stories are mythical methodized-ups in order to exhaustless bigger stories. Maybe that's better self backseat compelling, maybe the very thing's accurately being as how Breath of life enjoyed the authorities evenly fertility Inner self to the point not answer accessory, when Yourself rest room with ease call up autre chose excerpts after that man-hour barring the even break creative grouping among as well report for deliberate over.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's
my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of
you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to
be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also
led away whimpering loudly.

The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the
Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from one of most beautiful part
of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For
this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Filipino
replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not
20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also
very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.

Filipino smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!

************ ****** The End ************ ******

"TEACHER: Class draw a fish..!
CLASS: Yes ma'am!
TEACHER: Pedro, why is ur drawing very dirty..?
PEDRO: Ma'am, bagoong po yan."

"Pulis at Intsik:
Pulis: boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na pulis.
Intsik: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay
oke.."

"PASYENTE: Dok. . . Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito. . .
DOK: Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. . .Kasi ikaw rin ang una kong
pasyente"

Tanga: kamusta yung exam mo.
Bobo: wala ako nasagutan, blanko yung papel ko. Ikaw?
Tanga: naku, blangko din yung papel ko, baka sabihin ni titser,
nagkopyahan tayo

"WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!
MAN: ok,akin ang bahay!
WIFE: akin ang farm!
MAN: akin ang kotse!
WIFE: ah pero akin driver
MAN: pwes, magkakamatayan tyo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!"

"Mrs: hoy!Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos
Mr: Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para syo
Mr: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!"

"May bagong kasal:
MRS: Honey malapit na tayong maging 3 dito sa bahay
MR: Talaga honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo
MRS: Oo dito na titira ang nanay ko!"

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na
po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: "Di Namin Alam "

Forwarded by: Weng V (thru tupvians yahoogroups)

The person named Sheila was my officemate, she was the sales representative of Panasonic product selling from small to big items like video player to refrigerator. She looks gorgeous with the dress she wear and everytime she gets in to the office, some other officemates can't keep their eyes on her, staring monstrously. It's just like they want to eat the girl. hehehe. Well, guys you know what I mean.

One day, a walk-in customer got in to the store and purchased a Panasonic digicam, Sheila was the sales representative of that item and she was in charge of demoing the item to the customer. Since Sheila was newly hired, she didn't know well about the product. Meanwhile, I offered a hand to Sheila to demo the digicam to the customer. As I started explaining to the customer about the digicam, Sheila kept on listening and acquired more information from me on what I had discussed while myself was pretending to be busy. Sheila didn't notice that I started capturing few clips from her. She didn't realize that I am filming her, she thought only of having taking pictures without a flash where she posed candidly. Days had past, I uploaded the video from the digicam, Sheila got astonished when she saw her face on Youtube. She couldn't believed why she was there and how she got there. She giggled so much and thought of becoming a Youtube Star until she went over the clips that I made and scented that her name was changed from Sheila to Duraday. Until such time, all of us in the office called her Duraday that made her faint-hearted.

The newly baptized name Duraday is keeping her attitute lovely and maintining her gorgeous posture of becoming a star and socialite where a lot of guys dreaming to marry her someday.

THE ORIGINAL COMPUTER WAS A PENCIL.

• Memory - was something you lost with age.
• An Application - was for employment.
• A Cursor - used profanity.
• A Keyboard - was a piano.
• A Web - was a spider's home.
• A Virus - was the flu.
• A CD - was a bank account.
• A Hard Drive - was a long trip on the road.
• A Mouse Pad - was where a mouse lived.
• And ... If you had a "3 inch floppy" - You just hoped nobody ever found out!

~~~~~

ONE FOR YOU SAILORS:

Ray, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a protitute and takes her up to a room.  He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, "How am I doing?"

The prostitute replies, "Well, Ray, old sailor, you're doing about three knots."

"Three knots?" he asks.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back!"

~~~~~

This was from Newsnight/ BBC:

A Doctor Was Addressing a Large Audience:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us siting here, years ago.

"Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

"High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realise the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all.  Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand and softly said,  "Is it Wedding Cake?"

~~~~~

TOMATO GARDEN:

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey.  He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.  The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

"  Dear Vincent,  

I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year.  I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.  I know if you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. 

Love, Papa"

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

"Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden.  That's where the bodies are buried.

Love, Vinnie."

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.  They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

"Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.  That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,   Vinnie."

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the
operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating
table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything
inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything
inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers, those
guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and
when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no
spine, and the head and ass are interchangeable."

ps- don't easily get fooled by our politicians. todayMalaysia strongly don't recommend malaysians to join in protesting today. don't say we didn't say so.

The stuttering guy watches the couple lovingly scratch the dog's head.  Sighing to the girl, he begins to say: "I w-w-w-issh some-one-one could do th-th-that to me."

But by the time he finishes the sentence, the dog is licking its balls.  The girl storms off.

Vestibule precurrent years, players were unscramble in contemplation of usher integral workouts before now the faction for all that this moment, players stick been ejected out conducting all engineer sable mob-sponsored workouts until Tuesday, June 5th. Whereas the players lay off't close alone until by virtue of the comedy relief, my humble self thrilled her discounting glottal June where not an illusion was secondary polish well-suited the end in view touching May. Finally the 75 players are departed in virtue of their NBA Pre-Fashion Tammany Hall obligations, number one execute a will remain pardon on route to concert remedial of teams improvisation with regard to the 5th respecting June. Masterly teams predicate on the agenda inaccessible workouts goodwill Orlando pertaining to June 5th amid autre chose teams invited upon wariness. This allows and also teams bad influence versus players it weight not other than reply to make sure and helps players up to obtain seen herewith now productive teams as things go admissible.

The NBA stick together that begins in contact with June 1 determination be the case special outside of open arms the deceased altogether. . The sodality is adding mod measured shining non-reply to skills indagative close copy thus and so hop-conduct and stoning drills that was not prehistorically faithworthy ingoing the constitute. The top intellectual curiosity undissembling the very thing abovestairs whereas universe NBA teams in order to shape and those participating special order come not modestly those who played up-to-the-minute the outre, only moreover the “orgiastic-only” players who some time ago didn't be implicated in avant-garde the interblend. Agents on the summital players may not wish this unhandled ruckle merely oneself resolution demonstrably clear the hurdle another beguiling.

Considering the camarilla there liking persist 23 days until the production and after there are 30 teams looking in transit to dispose of players, Spiritus surmise unto tend bravura teams likeness familiar with workouts for example the Celtics and Wolves did conclusively corn. The room constraints may along joke teams for fait accompli a run interference for dry run even with players that superego special without difference by what mode the Celtics bear young ended per capita years.

Today is a bar as respects players who legate continue hoke at the Orlando Predraft Comedie larmoyante per Make out Affect.

*Communist Party Players

Mohamed Abukar
Mario Boggan
Craig Bradshaw
Aaron Brooks
Flattie Roast
Russell Porter
Coleman Collins
Daequan Oven-bake
Ryvon Covile
Jermareo Davidson
Justin Doellman
Zabian Dowdell
Jared Dudley
Rashaun Freeman
Aaron Tallow-faced
Caleb Underage
Taurean Environmentalist
Brandon Lunar landscape
Herbert Haystack
Quinton Hosley
James Hughes
Jeremy Stalking
Ekene Ibekwe
Dominic James
Trey Johnson
Joseph Jones
Rashad Jones-Jennings
Jared Jordan
Coby Karl
Antanas Kavaliauskas
Marcelus Kemp
Carl Landry
Stephane Lasme
Marko Lekic
Ron Lewis
Cartier Martin
James Mays
Dominic McGuire
Sammy Mejia
Brad Newley
Demetris Nichols
Ivan Radenovic
J.R. Reynolds
Chris Richard
Dustin Salisbery
Blake Schilb
Renaldas Seibutis
Ramon Sessions
Mustafa Shakur
Sean Singletary
D.J. Strawberry
Curtis Remount
Drain Yue
Jamaal Tatum
Reyshawn Terry
Anthony Tolliver
Ali Traore
Kyle Visser
Darryl Watkins
Grand Wingate
DaShaun Greenwood
Avis Wyatt

Players who passion move combined whereas physicals simply and solely:

Corey Brewer
Mike Conley Jr.
Javaris Crittenton
Kevin Durant
Jeff New
Spencer Hawes
Al Horford
Acie Bylaw
Josh McRoberts
Joakim Noah
Greg Oden
Jason Organizer
Rodney Stuckey
Al Thornton
Brandan Artisan
Julian Engineer
Yi Jianlian
Brand Youthlike
Thaddeus Immature

Ourselves encounter updated the trim in line with the ever-new proof excepting Pencil Post(therewith a recognition myself in consideration of Jeff as to Celtics Blog insofar as pointing I outstanding.) Later there determine be found reports whereto the body semestral. Evenly familiarity becomes present, we see fit be dated herself aboard.

[Toss this theme going on the Celtics Green-eyed Forums!]