have you ever felt tired of yourself? i am tired of being me. so damn tired. tired to write. tired to think. tired of everything. i know, nobody is perfect but still people keep on questioning me. i am so damn tired to give them an answer. hey, i am just a human!  i am not perfect like you,too!

why am i feeling tired? sometimes i do feel tired for being a nice person. i keep on acting nice to people but do they nice to me? i am trying so hard to pleased them but do they really appreciate me? i try my best to not hurt their feeling but do they care about my feeling?

ask yourself these questions. yeah, sometimes i think i want to ignore people's feeling. i don't want to think about them but i just can't help myself from thinking about them first. d*mn it! i hate myself for being me. why don't i just pretend that i am not thinking about them? arghh,hate it!

no matter where am i, i still being me. i try my best to be a good friend to you but do you really appreciate me as your friend? i have never ever question about yourself. i accept you as what you are but do you really accept me as what i am?

i know, you might say that i am talking a crap here. you can think whatever you want to think because i am tired to think about you anymore. i always put your feelings first than myself even though sometimes i hurt inside. you never knew that.

penat. penat. penat!!

**comments at your own risk as i might not be able to reply it**

Teringat sebuah buku pasal personality yang aku terbaca from Shafiq ketika program KEM08 di SMS Kuching aritu. Tanpa teragak lagi, aku yakin aku ni seorang yang melancholic. Beberapa personality tests yg aku buat dulu pun menyatakan, yang aku ni seorang melancholic. Melancholic Choleric to be exact.

So apa bestnya/keburukannya melancholic ni? Meh aku paste kat sini. Korang tentukanlah sama ada betul ke tak dengan diri aku ni. Hehe.

I dont want to say much, tapi personally aku rasa, boleh dikatakan lebih 90% dari ciri-ciri di bawah ni bertepatan dengan diri aku.

Oh ya. Dan trait Melancholic aku (53%) jauh mengatasi pesaing kedua Choleric (13%). Untuk maklumat lanjut mengenai result test aku boleh klik kat sini Personality / Temperament for Leokid.

The Introvert. The Thinker. The Pessimist.

*Strength vs Weakness

The Melancholy's Emotions

* Deep and thoughtfully
* Analytical
* Serious and purposeful
* Genius prone
* Talented and creative
* Artistic or musical
* Philosophical and poetic
* appreciative of beauty
* Sensitive to others
* Self-sacrificing
* Conscientious
* Idealistic
* Remembers the negatives
* Moody and depressed
* Enjoys being hurt
* Has false humility
* Off in another world
* Low self-image
* Has selective hearing
* Self-centered
* Too introspective
* Guilt feelings
* Persecution complex
* Tends to hypochondria

The Melancholy As A Parent

* Sets high standards
* Wants everything done right
* Keeps home in good order
* Picks up after children
* Sacrifices own will for others
* Encourages scholarship and talent
* Puts goals beyond reach
* May discourage children
* May be too meticulous
* Becomes martyr
* Sulks over disagreements
* Puts guilt upon children

The Melancholy At Work

* Schedule oriented
* Perfectionist, high standards
* Detail conscious
* Persistent and thorough
* Orderly and organized
* Neat and tidy
* Economical
* Sees the problems
* Finds creative solutions
* Needs to finish what he starts
* Likes charts, graphs, figures, lists
* Not people oriented
* depressed over imperfections
* Chooses difficult work
* Hesitant to start projects
* Spends to much time planning
* Prefers analysis to work
* Self-deprecating
* Hard to please
* Standards often to high
* Deep need for approval

The Melancholy As a Friend

* Makes friends cautiously
* Content to stay in background
* Avoids causing attention
* Faithful and devoted
* Will listen to complaints
* Can solve other's problems
* Deep concern for other people
* Moved to tears with compassion
* Seeks ideal mate
* Lives through others
* Insecure socially
* Withdrawn and remote
* critical of others
* Holds back affections
* Dislikes those in opposition
* Suspicious of people
* Antagonistic and vengeful
* Unforgiving
* Full of contradictions
* Skeptical of compliments

Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may of failed
But I have loved you from the start
Oh

But hold your breathe
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When your asleep

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I wont live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

*******

cun right?

hehe

anyways, a big big shout out to Viv.

she wrote a poem and i quote what she typed on her blog

"Poem was written especially and originally for Ameera Surekha"

thanks Viv. it was so sweet of you.

and don't la be so down all.

this Sunday i'm finally getting to meet Lei after like *starts counting*  3 years! hahaha! LOl cant wait to see her. ok la that's all i have to crap. :P

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

PS: shout out to Travis. we're both bored. have to kill time :p

After a quick lunch at The Kitchen Buffet (cheesy focaccia and ice milk with M&M's- delicious!) we perused the Diamond Joe's offerings.  This was my first time to a casino and I was a tad nervous that I would embarrass myself violating a code of gambling conduct and they'd chuck me out so I clung to my mother's side (Chris too) as we weaved around the electric lights, scoping out the action and feeling for any good vibes.  

The action was pretty slow, being only a Monday afternoon.  Most gamblers were retired farmers and old ladies with canes- even most dealers were well passed 45.  A good thing, my mother said as anyone would be willing to help and teach us to play whatever game.  Chris and I were by far the youngest people, my mother a close third.  She immediately hit on an empty blackjack table.

"Oooooh!  You wanna play?"  We changed our $20s and a very friendly, very patient dealer named Pamela helped me and Chris hobble through the rules, and tolerated both of us hissing to my mother, a Blackjack enthusiast "Wha-What should I do?"

"Well you have 18.  Do you really wanna hit?"

"Um.  No."

We twiddled our fingers over the cards, wiling an Ace and King to show up and the dealer to bust out.  My mother was a tad more outspoken: "bust out bust out bust out...yahooooooo!"  

Feeling confident, I doubled my bet and started stashing my winnings in my bag so I wouldn't get carried away.  When I walked away from the table, I had pile of chips in my bag, more than double what I originally started out with.

We hung out at the craps table, watching a group of men cheer on the shooter, a petite women in exercise clothes, "she's one of the best shooters," one of the men exclaimed before he shook his fists in the air and emitted a  "yeessss!" as a hefty stack of chips was pushed his way.

My mom and I left Chris there and wandered through the maze of slot machines, feeling out any vibes.  We stopped at the one where her and my sister won $500 a few weeks back.  We settled on a similar machine nearby.  I was dazzled by the complexity of these machines- how many lines do you want to play, how much do you want to play?  1 cent, 5 cents, 25 cents?  All I wanted to do was pull the lever!  My mother had a better grip on the situation- she put in a twenty and watched the wheels spin with their 7's and bars and cherries, chanting "come on baby big bucks big bucks big bucks!"  We talked nicely to the machine, we petted it lovingly.  We went down to $10 and up to $25 and down to $6 in small increments of 40 cents, $1.10 before we finally hit on a big one: $60!  Not quite $500 but, like seasoned gamblers, we knew when to take the money and run!

We found Chris still at the craps table, a shooter!  And with quite the stash!  When he finished, the three of us tried a game of Super Fun 21, similar to Blackjack.  I wasn't feeling it, said goodbye to a few of my chips.  I wandered back to the machines since I had good luck last time.  The trick, so I decided from that one experience, was to not give up so easily.   Feeling cocky, I plopped down at one that I thought gave off a good vibe.  I stared at the buttons asking me how many lines I wanted to do, how much I wanted to bet and pushed a few buttons.  I talked nicely to the machine and petted it lovingly and promptly lost a large chunk of what I won on the Blackjack table.  Good vibe, ha!  Defeated, I sulked back to mom and Chris, who actually made out quite well at Super Fun 21.  Drat.  

We stopped at the Roulette table and I was transported to Rick's and there's Humphrey Bogart, looking ever so sexy in a bow-tie, observing the goings-on of his gambling hall.  If only we were draped in jewels and evening clothes, drinking scotch...  

I tried Blackjack again, confident that I would do as well as my first time.  I had experience!  The dealer easily took my money after three Blackjacks!  Chris didn't duplicate his luck with craps either.  After circling the casino for several minutes, we found my mother stewing at a slot machine, in the process of losing $20.  

"I should have left when I was up to $30!" she moaned.  But just ten minutes ago she was saying, "I feel it, I feel it!  Big bucks big bucks!"  I know, Mom.  If only I would have stayed at the first Blackjack table.  How much money I could have won!  

We finally emerged from the smokey casino into the bright cornfields after nearly four hours of gambling. Ultimately, all three of us came out ahead, Chris the big winner with $100. In this cutthroat world of chance and luck, what more could you want?  Las Vegas, here I come!

The diversity of our thought will be evident once we run our upcoming 15-part series on the flat tax followed by our birthday celebration for the guy who started the Free Mumia movement, who - I believe - is Mumia Abu-Jamal himself.

What I am trying to say is that if you have detected a certain left-wing slant in our writing it is simply because Bosie is a dirty Socialist. It has nothing to do with the actual direction of the site.

To prove as much, I would like to point out that anyone can be a hacky writer as Ron Jackson of The Daily Journal in Kankakee, Illinois proves. I honestly could not determine his political viewpoints by reading this article. It comes across as some kind of sappy, middle of the road, left-leaning nonsense you pick up after four years at, say, SUNY Albany. None of that ultimately matters though, because bad writing is bad writing regardless of the political bent.

The column gives you its alleged premise in the opening paragraph.

First impressions are forever. Wisdom teaches us that we only get one chance to make a great one. Be it a date, job interview, audition, or social acclimation, a first impression is the equalizer. There is no better example of this than how our own color consciousness is shaped.

From this, I fully expected a tale of how Mr. Jackson, assuming he is white, had his pre-conceived racial notions changed by a wonderful African American teacher in the eleventh grade. Or, assuming he is black, how his white college roommate insulted him on his first day of school, yet later became his best man. Basically, I am picturing him as one of those two annoying guys from Scrubs.

That would be a hokey column that has been written a thousand times before. Still, it would not get notice here. What gets notice here is the fact that the rest of the column never actually addresses first impressions on race.

Instead, he rambles on about boxing and Tiger Woods and movies that no one saw.

What is wrong in pointing out that Barack Obama is black? Nothing. The search for the Great White Hope heavyweight champ is legendary. America was so hungry for one that it had to go to Russia to find its hope. In this political heavyweight fight, Obama is the Great Black Hope similar to what white heavyweight boxers Jerry Quarry, Randall "Tex" Cobb and Gerry Cooney were to boxing in the 1960s and 1970s. Their color overshadowed their ability, and it was the awareness of their color that sold tickets.

This is certainly the first time that Obama has ever been linked to Gerry Cooney. And it will be the last time unless Obama begins a career as a casino greeter.

I also have no idea what point he is trying to make. Cooney was a fraud of a heavyweight who was exposed by Larry Holmes. I don't think Ronny is trying to call Obama a fraud;  I just don't think he understood the analogy he drew.

Color commands attention. Movies are made about color consciousness. "Road to Glory'' told the story of the first college basketball team to win a national championship with an all-black starting lineup. The story was more intriguing because the black team beat the perennial powerhouse and white elitist University of Kentucky. "The Great White Hope'' was an award-winning play and movie depicting America's quest for a white heavyweight boxing champion since the early 1900s.

Apparently these are the first two movies with a black theme that came to his mind. Somewhere, Spike Lee weeps.

By the way, if you haven't seen it yet, watch "Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson" someday. I provide so much to my readers, don't I?

It's only wrong and harmful when race is used to elicit fear and divisiveness. We fear what we don't know. If our only experiences or associations with persons of a different race come from television, we are susceptible to believe the racist stereotypes. It's not far-fetched even today for a person to go through 12 years of school without ever personally knowing a person outside his or her own race.

Okay, we are almost back to the stated theme of the article with this profound revelation that we fear the unknown. Don't worry. We get off-track in a hurry.

If we're going to point out Obama's blackness, it would be more accurate that he would be compared to the current God of Golf, Tiger Woods.

After becoming the first to compare Obama to Tex Cobb, Ron becomes the 15,000,000th writer to compare him to Tiger Woods. Did he really believe that no one had made this connection yet?

We now come to the paragraph where I become convinced that Ron is white guy who took at least one African Amercan Studies class in college. I am sure he is going to vote for Obama and that has gone to at least one jazz club in his life. Because any conservative would be utterly terrified to write this next paragraph. For Cal Thomas, this would be a career killer.

Should Obama win, there should be no fear that our national anthem will change from "The Star Spangled Banner" to "Lift Every Voice and Sing,'' that the annual White House lawn children's game won't change from T-ball to craps, that he will pimp the presidential limo, or that his weekly presidential addresses won't consist of every other sentence being, "You know what I'm saying."

Sweet merciful Jesus. Are you speechless? All that was missing there was a watermelon reference.

But Ron is a fair man. And he ends in a fair manner.

Furthermore, should John McCain win, we shouldn't fear that he will cancel the Martin L. King, Jr. holiday.

Oh, well, thank goodness for that.

This is the kind of column that demands knowing the race, age, and politics of the writer. I will not rest until I know Ron Jackson's bio. Because his background will completely alter how I read this. And I will read it many more times, because I plan on printing it and sticking it on my fridge.

Despite the fact that crap is often considered the hardest  game played at online casinos , the truth of the matter is that it actually is one of the easiest to play.  Given that there are almost forty diverse betting alternatives, the game of craps appears to be a little bit daunting at first sight. Beginners to the game of craps are often advised to disregard the diverse betting choices and to center their attention on the basic pass line bet.

In craps the pass line bet is usually the most common bet and is used by almost every player. A player in craps is required to place a pass line bet prior to the come out roll, since this is when the new shooter initiates his roll. Should the shooter roll amount to or 11, then the player wins. If it is comes out as 2, 3, or twelve, then he loses. If the result is some other number, then that number turns to a point number. The shooter must roll again the resultant number before 7 is rolled for him to win the pass line bet.  Suppose 7 is rolled prior to the point number, then the player loses.

Once the point number has been decided, the player could then try another bet, which is referred to as the odds bet. This odds bet is the only bet in the game of craps that is paid for by its odds. Knowledge of the fundamental pass line bet in the game of craps table is essential for you to successfully start playing craps. Once you become efficient in your craps playing skill, you can then move to the next level and learn the many other betting types in the online casino game of craps.

Craps table is usually operated  by 4 casino employees, these are: the boxman whose chief responsibility is to guard the chips, oversee the dealers and handle the coloring out of players; another one is the 2-base dealers whose responsibility is to stand to either side of the boxman who collects and pay the bets, then there is a stickman whose job involves standing directly across the casino table from the boxman, he takes bets in the table center, declares the results of each betting roll, gathers the dice with an extended wooden stick, and controls the base dealers to pay off winners from bets in the center of the craps table. Each of these aforementioned employees ensures that the other is paying out winners appropriately. On occasions, especially during off-peak sessions, only one base dealer tends to the table, providing only half the table open for players.

A casino dealer usually insists that the shooter rolls with a single hand and that the dice leap off the far wall that surrounds the table. Such conditions are meant to make the game fair (by preventing the dice switching or making of controlled shots. If a die goes off the table, then shooter will typically be asked to choose another die from the three remaining but he can request by use of the same die if it bypasses the boxman's eye. This condition is used to ensure the game is fair and also reduce the chance of cheating in the game.

possibly related:

online casinos man

online casinos kid

Just because you suck at voting doesn't mean you have to screw it up for the rest of us and place down another ballot for McCain.

People who voted twice for Bush are kind of like people who lose tons of money at the Craps table, then think they have the hang of it and lose even more. About $482 billion in specific.

Republicans look good on paper. In Craps, they're kind of like that 'field' bet. There's so many numbers there, and it's got so much space on the table. It can't lose, right?

Democrats are complicated, with their odds on the come bet, and statistics and odds. Who wants that?

Then you drop all your cash, and you're like, "I'm not going to make that mistake a third time!" Then McCain shows up, and you're begging your friends for money. You've got this down, right? No. You're cut off.

Craps make your heart stop whenever the dice is rolled. They offer more fun than any other dice game. They are known to make people rich too. People do not like leaving the casino without trying their luck at the crap games in the online casino.

The game involves betting on whether or not the person dealing will pass to not when he rolls the dice across the gaming table. This person is also called shooter. Each player rolls the dice in turns. The game starts with a come out phase, which is the first roll.

If you are playing craps in the online casino, you have to avoid 2, 3 and 12. IF you reach a 7 or an 11, you win. If you roll any other number, you have to shoot again to get the same number and win. While you roll again, other players guess if you can reach the same number. If you could not, you loose out and are out of the game while others continue.

There is no hard strategy to win craps. It depends entirely on your luck. It is also known to make millionaires. People just can't stop rolling the dice in a hope to win. You need to keep an eye over your bankroll so that you do not run out of your cash.

It is also advised that you decide your limits in advance: both the amounts you can afford to loose and the amount you want to win. Quit the game as well as the online casinos as soon as you reach one of these limits.

Choosing Online Casinos
Trusted Online Casinos
Online Casinos Guide

So anyway I went to gamble yesterday, I don't live in a gambling legal state per se. That's okay we have some fine up standing Americans who believe that you should be able to do what you want with your hard earned money, no matter how weak it trades on the currency markets these days. They have a nice little hidden casino outfit in a strip mall, a strip mall with a evangelical church in it no less. I have frequented many of these types of secret dens of sin for quite awhile all over the country. I am member of more "social clubs" where you can play poker and make some bets than I can count.

Back to the gambling, I was having a craps itch. So I dug a brick of cash out of hiding spot here at the house, and headed over to the "casino". When I got there it was pretty dead, nobody rolling the bones, few people playing blackjack, one guy playing baccarat, some barnacles yanking the slots, and one game of low limit NL going. I walked over to where the had some lines posted on upcoming sporting events, I managed put down a $100 on Cotto vs. Magarito fight. All the squares were saying Cotto in a walk, so I took the opposite side, isn't that what the smart money is supposed to do?

I wait for them to get the craps table up and running. I decide to go flirt with the game girl with the super tight ass and nice rack. She makes me a drink, and we shoot the shit about the club. She tells me that she got the job through her Mom who is a pretty well known poker dealer at another club in the area. Right when I think I am making a little headway into getting some information on her personal life, they yell that its "Ready To Roll!"

I get $500 in chips and setup my spot on the table. I could go into all the bets and rolls, but that would be a long winded and boring. Craps is so fast and loose, your moving so many chips if your really spreading it around it just gets real confusing put into words. At any rate, I went on a nice run and rolled my $500 into $2000 in about 30 minutes. That was good enough to get the few dozen people in the place to come sweat me and a few joined in on the game. We actually had some quick rolls and my bank started to dwindle a tad, when a hot roller got it going. He was hitting points like Kobe hits buckets, and next thing you know I got $4k in the rack and another $1k in play on the layout. It starts to get wild in there and people are slapping high fives, bumping chests and all that stupid shit people do when they are winning money.

Anyway all good things come to a end and of course the 7s start coming, all teasing us of another hot streak only to dash away our money filled dreams. After another loop I realize I was pressing so much that I was back down around $1k which was the original amount I brought. The fight bet outstanding, and me only up about a hundo I went ahead with cashing that shit out. I watch the table run colder than Minnesota in winter, and everyone is getting broke.

I ended up winning that boxing bet when Magarito stopped Cotto in the 11th, booking wins is so nice, some people say that compulsive gamblers like losing as much as winning. All I know is I must not be compulsive yet. I sure as hell don't like booking a loss at any gambling game.

Anyway tips for craps, bet max odds, and play the 6 /8 when its not the point. Never bet hardways.

The house always wins.

Oh yeah, I checked out the "Cougar" movie, it was decent. Julia Ann looked great, she can still get busy too. Amber Lynn and Kylie Ireland are in the flick as well, not bad at all. Definitely wankable IMO.

she went to the department store
buying things for his new room
all by herself

she went to the very nice restaurant
to eat very good delicious steak
she was alone while others with their couples

she went to the cinema
watching horror movie
all by herself

she celebrated her birthday
with no one arround

she left in the dark
no one cared

she lighted a fire
no one was there

she cried out loud
nobody was home

she called someone
no one was looking at her

you stupid idiota!
ofcourse you were always alone
you are a ghost, dumbhead!!

and there she went flying up, to heaven
crying out loud for her misery and loneliness
complaining to God

blah blah blah

you deserve to die as a bitch
because of that melancholy life you had

12. John Goodman

He looks like he could crap out a dump truck full of Arby’s beef & cheddars.

11. Rosie O’Donnell

The only thing she loves more than Broadway is her trusty plunger. You know, for her meatloaf-sized bricks of poop.

10. Jeff Garlin

I bet he probably spends most of his day planning for, and recovering from some shit he’s about to take or just took.

9. Shaq

It’d be kind of disappointing if he didn’t take ridiculous dumps.

8. James Gandolfini

Once ordered a hit on his basement toilet.

7. Uncle Phil

Powerful, powerful dumper.

6. John Daly

If crappin’ was a pro sport, he’d be in the Turd Hall of Fame.

5. Al Pacino

Whooooooooaaaaaaahhh!

4. Phylicia Rahad

Cosby’s. Pool. But seriously, I bet she takes strong Nubian power craps.

3. Horatio Sanz

He strikes me as a hearty shitter, who giggles uncontrollably at the sounds he’s making. Then he calls Jimmy Fallon to let him listen.

2. Elton John

No, not because he’s gay. Or because his name is synonymous with ‘Gay Bathroom’. But that doesn’t hurt. I just think he probably belts out logs like he belts out tunes.

1. That Infomercial Guy.

Kaboom is right. Billy Mays looks like he takes loud, violent, epic shits.