The Art of Woo, by G. Richard Shell and Mario Moussa, discusses how to use strategic persuasion to sell ideas. "Woo" is a fun way of describing the act of winning someone over. I enjoy that the authors give specific steps on how "woo" works. Step one is to survey your situation, which reminds me of a situation analysis section of a public relations plan. Step two is to confront the barriers, which then reminds me of a problem statement. Step three and four discuss how to make your pitch and secure your commitments.

Made to Stick, which we are reading in my Advanced PR Writing class by Chip Heath and Dan Heath, explores the sustainability of message and ideas. This book is a wonderful compliment to The Art of Woo because it gives the reader tools to keep an idea constantly communicated and explains why other ideas "die." Made to Stick breaks stickiness down into six principles; the first two are my favorite. Principle one is simplicity. A message needs to be easy to remember by the audience. Principle two is unexpectedness, which is my personal favorite. When someone is taken by surprised they listen. Even a pleasant surprise rather than using shock value is still "unexpectedness."

Selling ideas with strategic persuasion and making them stick is all proven in The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell. He shares stories of ideas and products that have been able to "tip" into our lives and create moment for change. I've actually never "read" this book, however, I have listened to it on tape. During my drive to Seattle, Wash., I could picture all of the "tipping points" that Gladwell describes in his book. The Hush Puppies story is my personal favorite and I encourage everyone to read or listen to this entertaining and educating book.

So whether you are "tipping," "wooing" or "sticking," remember to always keep your audience and key message in mind.

I don't know how many of you have seen the Death By PowerPoint presentation by Alexei Kapterev of Real Time Strategy; however, judging from the hit count, over three hundred thousand to date, many of you probably have.

[slideshare id=85551&doc=death-by-powerpoint4344&w=425]

I looked it over again tonight and then noticed a very ironic comment by a guest:

61 slides to get the point across? Say less, do more.

Zing!

All kidding aside, there are some good messages in there.  Thanks, Alex

Roger W. Farnsworth 

As you probably know, I'm a presentation nerd. I go to conferences just to see people present, seeing what they do well and what the trends are... And maybe to catch a slideditcher or two...

What happens in the first 3 minutes of a session are so important.

I reckon there are two things that need to be done.

The Internal Circus: Dealing with objections and questions

People have very noisy heads. If you've ever spent more than 60 seconds attempting to meditate, you will have noticed that the mind thinks thoughts. Constantly. And using your determination to stop thinking is like trying to stop the tide with a handful of water. Just when you think you've got to some stillness, you realise that your mind is not only thinking how the stillness isn't quite as still as it could be (if only you would meditate properly...), but it's also planning the emails you need to send when you get up.

This kind of dialogue and commentary is going on constantly for everyone who is listening to you. If you could hear how noisy it is in a room full of apparently silent people, your psychic ears would get that post-music-gig ringing sound...

Some of those thoughts will be about you and your topic. That's what I call the internal circus. It's loud, attention-grabbing, and designed to distract. Full of mental elephants, trapeze artists, clowns and one loud brass band. If you want people to hear you above the noise in their heads you have to become somewhat the ringmaster of their internal circus.

This means that you have to think about what objections/ questions/ concerns/ prejudices are going on for them, label them out loud and up front, then deal with them to your listeners' satisfaction.

Honesty works really well here, as does admitting the limits of your knowledge and the limits of the session. 'What I'm not going to be able to do today is...'

Curiosity - motivating people to listen

The other factor when you begin a talk is to get people interested in what you are going to say. People are not, in the main, waiting on tenterhooks to hear you speak. Even if they have signed up for your session of their own free will, they still have a very noisy head full of things they need to do after your session, or maybe, with Blackberries and SMS, during your session.

The only way to cut through that noise is to give them strong reasons to listen to you. And these have to be relevant to them. How will what you are recommending give them enormous amounts of what they love, or not following your recommendations have them lose shedloads of what they value?

If you can open relevant questions but not immediately answer them, you can begin to trigger curiosity, as long as it's not in too cheesy a fashion.

It is important that you are honest and radically transparent. Any hint of selling (yuck) and out come the Blackberries.

Laying out the options and teaching from your experience are the new selling.

Starting communication well

So... If you can start your communication honestly dealing with concerns and genuinely offering valuable insights, then, maybe, people may begin to listen.

And that's just the beginning...

I watched an episode in NASA channel entitled Destination Tomorrow. It was interesting because space scientists are working to investigate suitable landing sites in Mars that are scientifically interesting and potential for proofs of interest. NASA developed the MRO, or the Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter (I dunno if I got the words right but it sounded just like that) to look for potential landing sites in case there would be success of human flights at Mars in the near future.

The MRO has high resolution cameras to produce high profile detailed pictures which will be evaluated to search for potential sites. It has also telescopic cameras to capture the planet’s surface features by photographing the planet. In this way, the scientists can relay and send information by communication platform for robotic missions and about the weather patterns in Mars. In this way the space scientists can also look for water. By its self surface radar, they would know the weather patterns, and any detailed information to expand the knowledge about the planet.

MRO would took seven months to journey to Mars and 27 months to orbit it.

Our world is in a constant state of flux with the rapid flow of information and increased uptake in technological advancements, and the pace of change continues to increase manifold at mind boggling speed. The increased level of change will result in an increased level of uncertainty in the market place. If these trends are not closely monitored you could find yourself providing a product/service to a market which is slowly becoming extinct. As an entrepreneur this may hit you whilst you are setting up your own business or keeping levels of market risk at a manageable level. Hence you have to keep your finger on the pulse of the industry you operate in, constantly.

These are some tactics we use to manage market risk in the organizations I am involved with :

1. Read voraciously about your industry. Subscribe to industry specific reports, magazines and newsletters to help keep abreast with latest trends. This helps business development divisions to accurately estimate market size as well as being able to create market maps. A market map helps you to segment the industry and provides you with critical data regarding growth opportunities. 

2. Meticulously track local and international competitors who are at the beech-head of advancement in your industry. This helps identify growth paths as well as information regarding the competiton's strenghts and weakness. Accordingly structure growth paths to develop competencies in areas where you can compete most effectively and efficiently.

3. Establish mediums through which you can be in constant touch with your customers, suppliers and retailers. They provide you with ground realities which cannot be measured with extrapolated projection analysis. Constantly monitor consumption, sales and feedback to ensure that your product/service is continuing to provide the value that is expected of it.

The tactics mentioned above may appear simple and logical, yet, many startup organizations venture into spaces where they have not clearly outlined the size of potential markets or gauged whether the product/service they are providing is what the market demands. If you fail to gather data regarding these critical factors you will exponentially increase your venture's risk level. In the final analysis, the fate of any business lies in its ability to create or provide a product/service that fits the market demands or needs.

         You see a need somewhere; and maybe you have an idea, a product, or maybe a service that you could utilize, to help change things for the better.  Can YOU make a difference ?  You bet you can!!!  Your inner voice is trying to motivate you.  If you only knew HOW, to make an IMPACT on things, to make a difference; things would be different.  Maybe, you could motivate other people to take action as well. 

         All you have to do is, get noticed by enough people; and, things could change.  I have the answer you have been searching for, whether it is for your business, personal goals, or maybe, it is a humanitarian intervention that is calling out to you. 

          What you need is the book, The Impact Factor: How to Get Noticed, Motivate Millions, and Make a Difference In A Noisy World!  Go to this free site and register for free information on how to help you, help yourself and those around you.  It costs you nothing!!!   Register here:  http://theimpactfactor.net/?id=35 

          Ken McArthur is a successful business man, an entrenpreneur, an author, a business mentor; and, an all around NICE GUY with lots of integrity.  Ken recognizes the power of IMPACT on both a business and a personal level.  Ken is committed to communicating the power of Impacting the world in a positive way.  See here: http://theimpactfactor.net/?id=35

           You see, we all leave a legacy of Impact in our everyday choices, in our areas of expertise; just by living our lives.  Why not harness the power of impact to be as effective as we can be by making a choice to positively Impact the world ?  Our areas of impact could be education, the environment, business, humanitarian aid, adoption, poverty, diseases/illnesses, finance,health, fashion, entertainment, spiritual enlightenment, crime, domestic violence, teen pregnancy, sports, elder care....the list goes on and on.  You know your heart and your skills; how do you want to change the world ?  What is your passion ?  Do it...what are you waiting for ?  http://theimpactfactor.net/?id=35

          Go to Ken's free website and pick up lots of videos and audio recordings that will help you make an Impact in many areas of your life, and the lives of those around you.  Then, do yourself a favor and purchase his book.  You won't regret it.  This book could change your life; who knows, it may change the world if you put the message of the book behind everything that you do!  Check it out here:  http://theimpactfactor.net/?id=35

We are interested in having a wide range of people blogging on this site. We want it to be user friendly and will do our best at working out any bugs and learning the site to the best of our ability so that we can help you to use it to the best of yours.

May we all have many happy days of blogging ahead of us.

Let's spread the news of the community.

The Company:
Garden Fresh Restaurant Corp. has served made-from-scratch menu items since 1978 and now operates 100 company-owned, buffet-style restaurants. Garden Fresh offers fresh, healthy meals under the restaurant chain names of Souplantation and Sweet Tomatoes.

The Technology Solution:
In March 2005, Garden Fresh created its Club Veg program to provide interested customers with e-mailed information about special offers and monthly food themes. The program became a hit with more than half a million people registered. In 2006, the company began using its e-mail communications to direct club members to the website.

In 2007, the company launched an eight-week "Passport Promotion" that provided club members with two-week promotions for each of four cuisines reminiscent of Greece, Italy, Mexico, and Asia. This time, an interactive website activity allowed members to personalize themed postcards and electronically send them to friends as invitations to dine at a Garden Fresh restaurant together.

The Outcome:
When the company first tried using the Club Veg mailing list in August 2006 to direct members to the website, the site's traffic nearly doubled. The Passport Promotion showed the value of frequent theme changes that keep customers' interest levels high and response rates lively. But most important, the interactivity boosts customer loyalty and promotes open communication.

Garden Fresh uses the Club Veg program to reward its most loyal guests with coupons, chances to win free meals, and recipes. Tomorrow DataDocsDailyDose.com will see what online seminars can do to boost your bottom line.

--J.D. Mosley-Matchett, Ph.D.
"The Data Doc"
You have questions? She has answers!

Other than being less nervous about being in front of a group, there was another significant thing that happened tonight.

I have this gift (among others that I'll someday write all about-ish). I can spot the loner in a crowd. Sometimes this is an easy thing to do and sometimes it's not. Sometimes the loner blends in to the point where you think they're part of everything going on, but really, they're not.

The group this evening was divided via the first method. There were all of these bright, chipper, skinny kids all sitting in there, chatting away like they'd been best friends for years (which probably they had been, as much as a 10-12 can have in terms of years), and there were these two girls just sitting on the front row, not involved with any of it.

At first, in fact, there was only one girl. She wore glasses and was a bit bigger than the other kids. When she first got there, there were two seats between her and the next kid. I've known this kid just from having been in that church for a while; so when I gave her a head jerk to the right indicating she should try scooting down the row a bit, she acknowledged and did---a seat.

Later, another girl sat down next to her. She was small, skinny and quiet. You could tell; you know, just by looking.

So about a third of the way into, during one of those reconnoitering moments that you do when the group leader is out of town and you don't know who has what part, I went over there to talk to them. The whole group of kids were interacting, 'cept for these two. They were completely alone, sitting right next to each other.

I say to them, "Look, you're both not talking to anyone; so why not talk to each other?" And the bigger girl says, "Oh, she goes to my school." So? And that means???

So I say, "Oh good. Then you know each other already."

*scratches head*

There's something about kids who are ostracized that doesn't let them think about reaching out to others in the same state. I was that way a bit, I think. I'm not anymore, obviously, but I was at one time. That's a thought for another post, I think.

Let me tell you about something similar that happened while I was student teaching.

We had gone with a group to go try out for all-state band. A whole bunch of different schools rode together--high school and middle school--since, not a whole lot of kids were eligible to go try out for all-state band. We were part of the western district (of NC), which is a bit smaller than some, I think.

ELIGIBLE FOR NC HONORS BAND AUDITIONS FROM EACH DISTRICT

Middle, High School (9/10) and Senior High (11/12) Bands

On the way back, we stopped somewhere to eat (Golden Chorale, maybe--I don't know), and me, being the student teacher that I was, got to sit with the adults. Yippee!!! Right? Yeah, well, that's a story for another day.

Anyways, I noticed that there was this girl eating by herself. No one sat down with her, no one said hi. She was pretty well alone, I'd say.

Being that I'm somewhat spontaneous and inventive, in some ways, I suddenly stood up. I walked across the way, past the girl, and went to another table of similarly aged high schoolers. There were only three of them there and I had been watching them too, during this time. You know aspies; we watch everything. It's just something we do.

They didn't seem to be too preppy like-- all-state tryouts are sometimes, but not as a usual rule (not in NC anyways, and not in the Western district). I mean, we're talking hardcore band geeks here. They're pretty cool folks. That's partially why I did my undergrad in instrumental music ed; I like that kind of folk.

So I walk over to this other group of three (none of which from my school, mind you), and say howdy. They seem like pretty nice kids to me. My radar for snarky types is pretty good, since I survived middle school and high school in a less than friendly environment. This lack of snarkiness is why I picked them to say hi to.

I said to them, "You all see that girl over there?"

They said that they did.

I didn't even ask what they thought of her, I just said these next words: "If I were to bring her over here, do you think you all could find something to talk about?"

They said that they didn't think that'd be too hard. I love my radar. *pats radar*

So I told them to hold on for a bit, and I walked over to her.

"Howdy." Remember, I was a student teacher; so while I wasn't cool, you still had to notice my presence.

"Hey."

"Why are sitting alone?" I asked.

She shrugs.

"I have an idea," I said. "Pick up your food and follow me."

I led her back over to the table. I said, "Can she sit here?"

They smiled and said, "Sit down."

When I looked back later on, they were laughing together, like for real. Almost as if they'd been friends all along or something.

Later on that night, her band director came over to me and told me thank you. She'd been alone all year, but after that dinner, she even sat with them on the way back.

I don't know if it lasted past that night, but I like to think that it did.

As the Scriptures teach - our words can build up or tear down - kind answers can turn away anger and on and on the examples go.  What I don't quite grasp is why "the church" spends so little time equipping people to speak the truth in love.  Sadly we have become quite good at speaking the truth in anger, speaking the truth in arrogance, and speaking the truth over the top of our listener's objections or questions.  

Jesus said that there are two things that are of paramount importance - loving God and loving one another. How we communicate with one another is a good barometer of where our love level happens to be at any given moment.  

I hope that as we continue to make strides forward in the missional church expression, that communicating in love takes on a higher level of importance.   We have to get beyond "having to be right' at all costs - when we must be right we alienate and minimize our listeners.  

More on this later - but for now I just wanted to get those few thoughts out there - but in closing, one axiom that I live by is that kindness does not equal weakness, let that soak in and it will effect the way you communicate . . . I promise. 

Toronto Superior Court Justice Mary Lou Benotto ruled that the defendants did not show conduct displaying wanton and reckless disregard in the use of the blood and that there was no marked departure from the standards of a reasonable person.

"The conduct examined in detail over one and a half years confirms reasonable and responsible and professional actions and responses during this difficult time," she said. "The allegations of criminal conduct on the part of these men and this corporation were not only unsupported by the evidence, they were disproved. "The events here were tragic," the judge said. "However, to assign blame where none exists is to compound the tragedy."

John Plater of the Canadian Hemophilia Society expressed bewilderment at the verdict, questioning how the judge could suggest that the defendants' actions "were somehow professional and reasonable." "If you, on the one hand, have a study that says there's a problem, and on the other hand have a study that says maybe there isn't a problem, any reasonable person takes the product off the market. They didn't. People were infected, and people died," Plater said. "How that could be considered reasonable behavior is beyond us."

The case involved blood products produced by New Jersey-based Armour Pharmaceutical Co. in the 1980s and early 1990s that turned out to be infected. Also charged were Dr. Roger Perrault of the Red Cross; Dr. John Furesz and Dr. Donald Wark Boucher, formerly of Canada's Health Protection Branch, and Dr. Michael Rodell, a former vice president of Armour.

Canadian Red Cross fined
Perrault pleaded not guilty to criminal negligence causing bodily harm for allegedly giving hemophilia patients an HIV-infected blood-clotting product. The other doctors and the drug company also pleaded not guilty. Lawyers argued that prosecutors didn't present enough evidence to prove its case.

A second trial for Perrault is set to begin later this year in Hamilton, Ontario, where he will face more criminal charges stemming from allegations that the Red Cross and its senior officials failed to take adequate measures to screen blood donors.

The Canadian Red Cross pleaded guilty in 2005 to distributing blood tainted with HIV and hepatitis C and was fined $5,000 Canadian .... The Red Cross apologized and provided $1.5 million Canadian for a scholarship fund and research project aimed at reducing medical errors.

Responsibility for Canada's blood supply for all provinces except Quebec was later transferred from the Canadian Red Cross to another entity, Canadian Blood Services. After a five-year investigation, police filed criminal charges.

Last year, the Canadian government announced a compensation package of 1 billion Canadian dollars for all those infected with hepatitis C from the tainted blood, expanding a previous program that excluded thousands of people.

I don't know about this. Why is ignoring warnings about life-or-death issues not negligent?

GCI skriver:

"74 procent av kommunikationscheferna uppger att deras företag idag inte använder sociala medier för marknadskommunikation eller i relationer med samarbetspartners, studenter, aktieägare och andra intressenter. Dit hör också att så många som två tredjedelar av storföretagen inte strukturerat följer hur deras varumärken förekommer i sociala medier."

Personligen är jag inte ett dugg överraskad. Snarare exakt det jag hade förväntat mig. Man får inte glömma bort att marknadskommunikationen vilar på en urgammal struktur, som absolut har förändrats och fortfarande förändras med tiden, men samtidigt tar lång tid att tvätta ur.

Det är ingen vågad gissning att de kommunikationschefer som deltagit i undersökningen är medelålders med många år i såväl skolbänk som i yrkeslivet. År som successivt format deras arbetsmetoder och processer. Som lagt en solid plattform att stå på och utgå ifrån i sin profession. En plattform som också utgörs av massa olika verktyg och system, som hjälper dem att navigera i marknadsmixen.

Inom loppet av några år så har medielandskapet kraftigt förändrats - igen. Och ingen är säker på vad, hur, när, av vem och varför. Och allra minst - i vilken omfattning. Bristen på information och verktyg som ger svar på nämnda frågor är uttalad.

Av den anledningen så skulle det verkligen förvåna mig att företag, i synnerhet stora företag, hunnit med att både skapa sig en uppfattning om vad som har hänt, vad som kommer att hända och hur de ska förhålla sig och utnyttja detta faktum.

För exakt ett år sen skrev Brendan at Hill & Knowlton: “we are in consideration phase of social media adoption”. Mina erfarenheter är att många PR-företag och i synnerhet företag fortfarande befinner sig i denna fas.

Tids nog.

Andra bloggar om: social media, kommunikation, media, undersökning, gci, blogg

This week some students from the University of Stuttgart are testing their verbal and visual skills.
Watch out! Whenever you see people standing back to back, saying strange things or gesticulating wildly, it might be them.

When we are asked this question, our answer is that we will be on your project from start to finish until it is done, unless there is an emergency somewhere. We are firm believers in getting a project done once it is started. There are times when another client may have an emergency come up. An example of this was when a former client of ours had a broken window we needed to board up for them. We went over to close up the window and then came back the same day.

If a contractor can not tell you they will be at your job the whole time, they may not be the contractor for you. There are some good reasons for taking a break from a job. The only valid reason I can think of is when you are waiting for a special order item to arrive. This often happens with countertops or cabinets. Other times when this happens it could be an indication that your contractor is in financial trouble. They will take on a project, and before it is over they will run out of money. Then they will have to go do some other job to try to get caught up. This is a bad sign for your project because when a contractor is hurting financially, they may cut corners on your work.

Always ask your contractor or remodeler if they will be working on your job the whole time. Ask who will be in charge of the project and when that person will be around. Also make sure that you keep the remodeler's contact information on hand so you can find it easily to call and as questions. Also make sure that they can get a hold of you during your project in case they have any questions for you.

In order to get some power with this concept lets shift how we think about balance. We tend to think of balance in terms of equal time to equal areas in our lives. In our minds, we relate to balance this way even though we know it isn’t possible to spend equal time to equal areas in our lives. Especially, when our work, for most of us, takes up more than half of our waking hours each day.  

Let’s use a metaphor; Imagine that achieving balance is like being a great juggler. The balls you juggle represent areas of your life.  What makes a great juggler is not that they are great at keeping the balls in the air at all times. What makes a great juggler is that they are great at getting the ball that has fallen, back in the air with relative ease and speed.

See if you recognize what type of juggler you are with these examples:

• Do you ignore the balls, eventually tripping over them?
• Do you spend a great deal of time and energy analyzing the balls on the ground as if understanding their state will help pick them up?
• Do you stay upset because balls keep dropping, making the balls harder to keep up or pick up?
• Do you create formulas and go to training for keeping the balls in the air, until confronted with the fact that balls drop, that’s what they do?  

I have learned from my “wise” clients that balance is about noticing what is out and gracefully putting it back in. Balance is a dance with life. It has nothing to do with time or time management; rather it has everything to do with choosing what is important to you, choosing what is valuable to you and your level of attention to it.

Let’s address each juggling tendency and how to remedy it (You could have more than one).

·        If you ignore areas until a crisis of sorts occurs:  Do an assessment of what actions, projects or practices would help. Start with easy items to check off your list first. For example if you ignore your financial well being in general. Your list may look like: see a financial planner, finish tax return, and turn in rebate on computer just purchased. Then start with what you perceive is easiest. As we free up the energy used to procrastinate we gain energy for the more difficult issues to address.

·        If you tend to assess and analyze rather than be in action: Get an accountability partner (coach, partner, or mentor) who will help develop a plan and assist you to stay in action.

·        If you feel overwhelmed and stressed from all there is to do: Focus on extreme self care to reduce anxiety and gain focus. For example: exercise, meditation, quiet time, and reading. You know what you need. Also focus on creating space in your life and business.  Throw unneeded items out. Give away things, projects and tasks. Hire someone to do it. Let go of extracurricular activities unless it adds to your extreme self care.

• If you tend to be scattered trying to do it all and end up doing none of it well. Have a sit down with someone who knows you well and start committing to what matters most and eliminating what doesn’t. Mastery is a function of choosing what is important to you and going deep into that area. Not everything deserves your attention, choose and eliminate.

Once again, what makes a great juggler is not that they are great at keeping the balls in the air at all times. What makes a great juggler is that they are great at getting the ball that has fallen, back in the air with relative ease and speed.

Is it time to pick up that ball?

“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.” Brian Tracy

About the Author Alicia Fruin 

Owner of Profit Consulting Co., Alicia has become a leader in the field of coaching, consulting and training for small business. She has designed more than 80 custom training programs for hundreds of business owners in a variety of industries across the country. In addition, Alicia has coached managers, presidents and sales professionals on how to build a business truly worth having! www.profitconsultingco.com

This is the title of a public talk I'm giving at the Riverdale Centre, 105-107 Church St., Inverness, UK next Monday May 19th.

I have to confess I shamelessly borrowed some words for the title of one of my favourite books on communication by Anne Dickson: "Difficult Conversations: What To Say in Tricky Situations Without Ruining the Relationship"

It is the part about 'not ruining the relationship' that felt important to me. We all want to have better relationships with everyone, at home and work. When I have worked with people in workplace bullying situations on both sides people have told me they 'just wanted things to get better.'  I feel sad that people want this so much and yet just don't seem to be able to get it. Most often people didn't really want to take a full grievance procedure against an employer, they just wanted to be heard.

Most of us long for more clarity, to feel heard, and be understood. Yet when things get difficult we'd rather do nothing than say something because we're just terrified of making a pigs-ear of the whole thing and making matters worse. So often we say nothing and the situation becomes more tense.

This book is full of sample conversations and good advice on how we might broach the subject when a difficult conversation needs to be had.

And so to my talk on Monday 19th May. I was kindly invited to give a talk and I felt this would be a timely and useful subject for us to cover. We won't be able to go into great depth in one hour but we can give an overview, and people will be able to take away a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics and some tools to begin making changes.

We'll explore how to approach touchy subjects in a manner that protects the hearts, minds and souls of everyone concerned. Well look at practical solutions such as being more self-aware so that we can judge for ourselves if we are coming across assertively or aggressively and exploring what the difference is. Aggression comes from fear. When we are afraid we can become defensive and blaming. We go on the attack. When we are aggressive, we are angry and looking for someone to blame.

To be assertive we need to calm down first. This doesn't mean suppressing our feelings. Invariably suppressed feelings leak out and this is half the trouble. We try and suppress our anger, for fear of hurting others, but it leaks out in sarcasm or nit-picking because there is unresolved issues between us. So we end up being hurtful anyway, albeit unintentionally.

We need to acknowledge and give expression to our anger in safe ways that don't involve another person. This allows us to acknowledge our anger without either suppressing it and turning it in on ourselves, or leaking it all over another person. Examples might be physical exercise, baking bread, bashing pillows, running, swimming. Anything that gives us permission to feel anger safely and get the energy moving. It is OK to feel anger. To acknowledge to ourselves that we feel angry is a healthy and important aspect of emotional intelligence.

Once we are genuinely calm, then we can say whatever we need to say to another person assertively. Notice the word genuinely. You are either calm or you're not. Recently a participant in a workshop said to me: "I was angry but I was calm with her" I asked her which was it? and she repeated: "I was angry but I was calm with her". This tells me she was angry and trying to act calmly. It would have been better not to address the issue in this moment and to go and give herself permission to feel anger. Later, once she was genuinely calm she could have approached the other person and made her point assertively. I suspected she came across aggressively but we'd have to ask the other person to be sure!

Another distinction between assertion and aggression is where the focus of attention is. The aggressive person is usually blaming and will use language that reflects that such as: "You annoyed me" The aggressive person is firmly pointing the finger at someone or something outside of themselves. The focus is on the 'other': on what the other person said or did to them. The assertive person owns and acknowledges their feelings and this will be reflected in their language such as: "I felt annoyed when you said..." Their focus is on how they felt, on their inner world and responses.

So there are two key distinctions between aggression and assertion. If you are still angry and your language is blaming such as: "You annoyed me" you will be perceived as aggressive.

If you have calmed down, genuinely, and you are clear about what it was that annoyed you. You can address the action or behaviour, in a skillful way, without blaming the other person. You will be assertive.

In a calm manner you could say something like: "I felt annoyed when.." You are much more likely to be received and heard, and the other person is much more likely to be open and willing to change something. Because the chances are, they really only want things to get better between you too.

Keep your eyes on the road

You will be perceived as aggressive if you are angry and blaming. How do you know if you are angry and blaming? You have to develop self-awareness. You have to make self-observation second nature. Just like when you are driving a car, you can't afford to take your eyes off the road. Our relationships are really that important. Our emotional well-being is really that important. I make relationships a priority in my life and if I'm with another person I don't take my eyes off the road for a second. And in this case, the road is me. How am I feeling? and how is that reflected in how I am behaving with this person?

I was often told I was aggressive when I was younger and couldn't understand it. It has taken me years to really understand this key difference and practice it. And I still don't get it right.

But if we truly care about relationships and sincerely want things to get better we'll make the effort. It's a work in progress.

We also have to give ourselves time to learn. We have to jump in and start swimming knowing that we will make mistakes. We will get it wrong. But we keep on trying and increasingly we get it 'right'. We become more skillful.

I have largely learned all I know about relating from making a pigs ear of it and then sitting back stunned and wondering what I did wrong. But I get up, dust myself down, and keep trying. What have we got to lose? We are in this world a long time with each other.

See you again soon,

Ruth.

Ruth Hadikin is a Personal Development and Emotional Wellness Coach based in Scotland.

To attend the talks at the Riverdale Centre call 01463 250589 to reserve a space. Entrance fee: £5-00

In terms of purchasing patterns, Digitally Savvy consumers are a luxury-oriented group. They are 56 percent more likely than the average consumer to own or lease a luxury vehicle; 175 percent more likely to have spent $500 or more on men's or women's business clothing during the past year and 49 percent more likely to own a second home. Online, this consumer group is equally high-end in its shopping behavior.

More than half (54 percent) of the Digital Savvy spent more than $500 online during the past year, and 35 percent spent upwards of $1,000 during that timeframe. They are far more likely to spend online in high-end purchasing categories, such as automotive and travel, as well as every day items, such as books and clothing.

"The most Digitally Savvy markets are known for leading the nation in a variety of hi-tech behaviors. They also typically have the presence of major universities and represent established tech corridors in the U.S.," said Gary Meo, senior vice president, print and digital media services, Scarborough Research. "The Digital Savvy is a consumer segment which is important to monitor - both locally and nationally. They are early adopters when it comes to fully integrating new technologies into their lives, and their shopping patterns, demographics and lifestyles could presage behaviors of consumers across the country."

Politically, Digital Savvy consumers are 25 percent more likely to be "Independent" voters **. In terms of other major political parties, they are on par with the national average with being Democrat or Republican.

Active lifestyles and on-the-go living are the hallmarks of the Digital Savvy. They are far more likely to enjoy athletic leisure activities including basketball, yoga, free weights training and jogging. The Digital Savvy are 18 percent more likely to have longer commutes - one hour or more to work each way. Given this active lifestyle, they rely on cell phones for communication and information. More than half (59 percent) of the Digital Savvy use their cell phones for email. They are, on many levels, an active and "on the go" group and their digital savvy is a natural compliment to that lifestyle.

Demographically, the Digital Savvy are male, young and wealthy. Fifty-six percent of them are male and 77 percent of this consumer group is below the age of 44. They are 132 percent more likely than the average consumer to have an annual household income of $150,000 or more. In fact, more than half (57 percent) of this consumer group has an annual household income of $75,000 or greater.

* Digital Savvy are defined as those consumers who rank highest on a scoring system that includes higher-than-average ownership of certain hi-tech items (such as DVRs, satellite radio or VoIP); greater likelihood to engage in certain Internet behaviors (including blogging, downloading music and online gaming); and usage of leading-edge cellular device features (email, text messaging, etc.). For specifics, please see the "About the Analysis" section at the end of this report.

** Independents are those in the Scarborough survey who cite their political affiliation as "Independent," "Independent but leaning closer to Democrat," or "Independent but leaning closer to Republican."

Rowan Manahan has a great series Presentation Masterclass at Lifehack.org.

• Part 1: Introduction
• Part 2: 5 Key Questions When Planning Your Presentation

There was another great post by Phil de Kock published A Checklist for a Good Facilitation on pmhut.

If you liked that post, then try:

• Powerpoint Bashing 

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]]> http://jpompliano.wordpress.com/?p=116 Wed, 14 May 2008 13:56:47 +0000 jpompliano http://jpompliano.wordpress.com/?p=116 Visiting the peace park and memorial museum in Hiroshima was the most moving, haunting, and intense experience of this trip.

Our walk through the Peace Park began with the A-Bomb Dome, one of the only buildings that survived the atomic blast on August 6, 1945. The building is a crumbling wreck of concrete and twisted iron beams. Rubble coats the floor, and the bricks that remain standing are scarred from millions of glass shards. The frame of the dome at the top of the building is somehow still intact.

Before and after

As the walk through the Peace Park continued, we came upon the monument to Sadako. As the story goes, Sadako was a baby who survived the bombing of Hiroshima with her family. Nine years after the bombing, school-aged Sadako was diagnosed with leukemia due to the radiation fallout since the explosion.

The monument to Sadako

There is a Japanese legend that tells how making a thousand paper cranes causes miracles to occur. Sick and stuck in the hospital, Sadako began making origami cranes with the hope of recovering from her sickness.

Sadako holding her last paper crane

Sadako died on October 25, 1955. Her classmates folded the remaining 356 cranes to be buried in her grave. They published her letters in a book that became well known around the world. To this day, children still send folded paper cranes to her monument in hopes that one day the world will be rid of atomic bombs.

Over one billion paper cranes adorn Sadako’s monument

Just a little ways past Sadako’s monument is the Peace Flame, a fire that will burn until no atomic bombs remain on the earth.

Kasey somberly stands while the Peace Flame burns under the arch

Walking toward the museum, a group of Japanese school children agreed to take a group photo with us. It was uplifting to see that their society harbors no ill will toward Americans despite the events that occurred so many years ago.

Ashes bloom in the wake of destruction

Inside the museum, a haunting chronology depicts the events that led to the atomic attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

8:15am on August 6, 1945 – one minute before the explosion

I hadn’t ever seen images of Little Boy’s destruction before visiting the museum. Ninety percent of Hiroshima was leveled and 70,000 of people died within seconds.

Only a few buildings withstood the blast

The effects of the atomic bomb are still visible today through the hibakusha: people who became ill, suffered handicaps, or died because of radiation poisoning.

Walking through the museum as an American – and as a minority in this land – was an experience that I will remember for the rest of my life.

While some can be downright nasty about it, other people seem to have legitimate concerns and likewise raise legitimate questions; questions that I had too, before I found myself falling in love with a man I had never seen face to face.

Mike and I have been in a long distance relationship for a little over seven years, and were married this past March. When we met online, neither of us was looking for a relationship; it just naturally grew into one. Our love has grown stronger every day since then, and we are deeply committed to each other and our marriage. We have overcome numerous obstacles, and each one has brought us closer and made our relationship even more solid.

It seems to me that maintaining a long distance relationship, especially one as long distance as ours (he's in the U.K. and I'm in the U.S.), requires extra levels of commitment, dedication and trust. There are also certain sacrifices that a couple must be willing to make; sacrifices much different to those required in traditional relationships.

That said, I would like to address some of the questions and concerns that I've encountered recently and over the years. Of course, my thoughts on the subject are based solely on my own personal experience and success story, if you will. They are, however, thoughts which I have examined extensively for more than seven years and discussed at great length with my wonderful husband for just as long. I will begin with the question that inspired the title of this post:

How can you fall in love with someone you don't even know?

Well, you don't. But what does it mean to truly know someone?

I believe that the best way to get to know someone is through conversation. Of course, there is a lot to be said for sharing meals together, having drinks, seeing movies, going to concerts or sporting events, dancing and all the other traditional dating activities.

It could be argued that couples get to know each other by doing all these things; each learning what the other likes and dislikes. This might be evident through body language, facial expressions, etc., even if not expressed verbally. But it's one thing to sense whether or not someone enjoys something, and quite another thing to understand why. By learning the "whys" we get to know people on a much deeper level, and that can only be accomplished through talking.

There are a lot of things people learn about each other when all they have is conversation. For the two and a half years before Mike and I met in person for the first time, conversation was all we had. We talked as often as we could - every day if possible (you can imagine our phone bills). We talked about everything from how much we love each other and our plans for the future to how I sort laundry and why.

We laughed together, cried together, listened to music and sang to each other. We told each other what we did each day, what we had eaten or would eat for dinner. We talked about religion, politics, films, books, parenting, cooking, gardening; we compared our cultures and our upbringing. I don't believe you could name a topic that we haven't touched on.

We were (and still are) so very interested in each other that no topic was off limits or boring; all conversation was welcome and even intriguing. Not only do we both know where the other stands on just about anything you could imagine, we know why. That is truly knowing a person for who he or she is. And that is what falling in love is about, in my opinion.

I think it's also important to mention that when there is no chance of becoming sexually involved right away, there is more time for real communication. Mike explains this very well in a comment under Talking 'bout my girl... at The Odd Blog:

Well, that’s the thing. When it’s a long distance thing, you get to know the other person more fully as a person without having the chance to be as physical as you might want; lots of couples who meet in an ordinary way start with the physical and then find out when that wears off that they don’t even really like each other that much. What we found was that we really, really like each other as people; my gf is the best friend I’ve ever had. That makes us totally strong as a couple.

When we finally did meet in person, we were not two strangers meeting up for the first time. We were completely at ease and comfortable with each other because we had spent the prior two-and-a-half years getting to know each other on a level that might not have been possible but for the distance between us. I'll go out on a limb and say that Mike and I probably knew each other better and more completely before we ever met in person than many traditional couples will ever know each other.

There are several other points which I would like to address, so I have decided to make this a series since this has already become quite lengthy. I will address one or two points per post, as time permits. If you have any questions, please feel free to post them in comments and I will answer them as best I can.

Again, I am speaking only from my own personal experience mixed with a little common sense. My goal is to work toward removing the stigma attached to online and long distance relationships.

The following two questions can be answered in the same or similar way, so I will address them together in part two of this series:

How do you know the person you've met online isn't lying to you?

How do you know he isn't a psycho?

Stay tuned!

'Latent Pleasures': Aboveground At Oil refinery Manchester(1-14) and The Practice a profession Scourge, Antarctic Hampstead(15+16)

'Bygone Souls'
'The At most Twist the words'
'Foresightedness'
'Fancier'
'Virgin land'
'Yourself's Forfeited Experimental proof'
'Shadowplay'
'Invalid'
'Interzone'
'Bad Parade'
'Originality'
'Enfeoffment'
'Originality' (transcription turntable)
'Delivery' (record changer)
'Libido Hope Savage Us Fifty-fifty'
'Silk'

'Closer': Spanking at ULU

'Over Souls'
'Bijouterie'
'A Step'
'24 Hours'
'Shadowplay'
'Wisdom'
'Title'
'These Days'
'Love Co-option Blemish Us Segregated'
'Discontinuity'
'The Numinous'
'Finite'

'Mousy': Squat At Tingly Wycombe

Bob:'Outcast'
'The Sumless'
'Quick-freeze Turn white'
'Muss'
'The Pour forth In respect to Sacred Nine'
'The Incalculable'
SOUNDCHECK: 'The Express Speaking of Tuneful Nine'
'A Shift'
'Duchy'
'24 Hours'
'Semi-private room'
'Sharing Think proper Gap Us Exotic'
'Moil'
'Indignity Pageant'

MP3: Frivolity Distinguishment- Straightforwards Souls

An example, according to Envoyé Spécial, is the romance [and mariage] of Sarkozy and Bruni. Magazines and newspapers, which shouted on roofs tops that they got the latest about the Sarkozy and Bruni affair, were apparently fed by the comm office of the President. At that time surveys showed a drop in the number of people who still see him as the President of France.

I was surprised when I saw the report titled 'Actualité' of Envoyé Spécial and this puts into question what we are served everyday in newspapers. That is the audience's agenda is set by media houses and the latter's agenda is set by politicians.

Hopefully the MBC will broadcast that episode of Envoyé Spécial on Monday 19/05/08. Below is the URL of the site of Envoyé Spécial.

http://envoye-special.france2.fr/index-fr.php?page=reportage&id_rubrique=392

Yaveen.