I was watching an Agent Provocateur fashion show (don't ask) and nothing was really happening. How many variations on the garter belt can there be? Isn't there anything new that is sexy? Is it really just corsets and merry widows? I was in an Agent Provocateur store not long ago and it seemed very, how do I say it... mall sexy.

I know I have been a bit of a one woman Kostas Murkudis fan club recently but I have always liked the work he did for Schiesser underwear in Germany. What I like is that he uses the same fabrics for the men's and women's line and yet the men's stuff doesn't seem fey. It still retains it's masculinity. Sensual. Something that seems to be missing from the lingerie business these days.

How many white NZ women are murdered assassination style after having their handbags snatched?

Related Links:

• Racism
• Human Wrongs
• Third Asian Murdered in New Zealand in One Week!

• Polynesian community made scapegoat for violence against Asians
• NZ Dollar, ANZ Bank, Spies, Assassins, Phone Tapping, Attempted Murder …

• The Remaining Maori of Aotearoa New Zealand
• New Zealand: A Cesspool of Spies, Assassins, Genocidal Murderers

• New Zealand won’t reopen Rainbow Warrior case [Why Not, Helen Clark?]
• A Call to Boycott Westpac Banking Corporation

• “As our rights and our mana are slowly hacked away we become like a beached whale struggling to live on the shore.” ~ Te Ataria, 1887

-0-

Tja, for det første kommer 2. og 3. g'erne i store flokke af MÆND, som ikke har kvinder med, men som skal ind og duske små, lyshårede "dansker-ludere". Man ser jo ALDRIG en islamisk pige på diskotek, med mindre de er så vestligt indstillede, at de sandsynligvis på et tidspunkt "kommer til" at falde ud over en altan eller sådan noget. Iøvrigt kan de meget få unge islamiske kvinder, som forvilder sig ind på et diskotek, forvente at blive overfaldet af deres egne, fordi de går på diskotek, og endda uden heejab eller burqa.

Og da de aldrig selv har piger med, vil det naturligvis også skabe gnidninger, men det er jo det sædvanlige - muhamedanere bidrager aldrig til noget, men tager med den ene hånd og tager med den anden.

I øvrigt drikker de islamtroende sodavand (alkohol er jo strengt haram), og er derved mere en omkostning for værtshusholderne, som tjener deres levebrød ved at udskænke alkohol. Og selv om de drikker sodavand, opfører de sig alt for tit værre end selv de mest stang-stive danskere. (Hint: Speed og steroider er ikke nævnt i Koranen)

Nå, tilbage til billedet: De to nydelige unge mennesker ser grangiveligt latinamerikanske - og under alle omstændigheder vestligt sekulære ud. De ligner oven i købet nogle af mine gode venner. Der er så vidt jeg er orienteret ikke specielle problemer med katolikker på diskotekerne. Ren manipulation i bedste Tøger Engelbreth-stil.

Der skal »indføres en ordning, hvor det skal have konsekvenser for bevillingshavere, hvis de diskriminerer i nattelivet«, fremgår det af en rapport fra regeringen, der blev offentliggjort i dag.

Middel mod ekstremisme
Forlaget er led i at bekæmpe, at unge indvandrere radikaliseres og udvikler ekstremistiske holdninger, som regeringen har lovet i sit regeringsgrundlag. Rapporten indeholder i alt 41 nye og gamle initiativer.

Forslaget er altså lavet specielt med henblik på islam-troende. For ikke at "marginalisere" og "radikalisere" disse "stakler", skal restauratørerne nu trues på pengepungen til at lukke dem ind.

Det ville jo være dejligt, hvis et sådant tiltag virkede - så kunne vi bygge en masse diskoteker i Iraq og Afghanistan og trække vores tropper hjem med god samvittighed. Lande som Sudan, Iran, Iraq, Gypten, Libanon, De palæstinensiske Selstyreområder etc, kunne også godt - ud fra denne geniale betragtning - have brug for en massiv diskoteks-indsats. Der bare lige det problem, at diskoteks-musik (og visse steder musik i det hele taget - for ikke at tale om dans - fydaføjda) er lige så haram som alkohol i de islamiske lande.

Jeg er i langt de fleste tilfælde ganske overbevist om, at dørmændene ikke er racistiske (hvad så end det ord betyder for tiden - Dansk Sprognævn?), men derimod af erfaring kender deres lus på gangen. Hvis unge, sexfrustrerede hormonbomber fra Mellemøsten kunne finde ud af at styre sig, ville der jo ingen problemer være med at lukke dem ind. Hvor mange japanere, englændere, italienere, grækere, spanioler, amerikanere og latinoer har problemer med at komme ind på diskoteker? Det er der ikke lavet statistikker over, så vidt jeg er informeret. Ret mig endelig hvis jeg tager fejl. Men kæledæggerne fra Fredens Religion® skal selvfølgelig endnu en gang have særbehandling.

Men den vinkel er Tøger Seidenfaden og hans ideologiske mentor, satanisten Rune Engelbreth, selvfølgelig ikke interesseret i at få frem.

For at blive klogere på de problemer, der udspiller sig i nattelivet mellem dørmænd og diskoteksgæster fik Århus og Københavns Kommune i september 2007 udarbejdet en rapport, og den foreslog bl.a. videoovervågning.

Men den foreslog også mere kontroversielle tiltag, som er kendt fra udlandet. I Frankrig sender myndighederne f.eks. indvandrergæster på uanmeldt adgangskontrol på diskoteker og udsteder store bøder til indehaveren, hvis der forskelsbehandles.

Det er det, som kaldes "agent provocateur" - Dan Lynge i mindre målestok. Velbekomme.

Og i Sverige kræves der omvendt bevisbyrde, hvis en dørmand bliver anmeldt for diskrimination, så er det op til diskoteksindehaveren og dørmanden at bevise sin uskyld.

Wikipedia:

Normalt anses det for uetisk og i strid med menneskerettighederne at anvende omvendt bevisbyrde, idet det bør være op til anklagemyndigheden at bevise og sandsynliggøre at den anklagede er skyldig.

To Rt Hon Jacqui Smith
Home Secretary

Urgent

Dear Home Secretary,

As you may be aware I wrote to Sir Ian Blair and Mayor Johnson calling for an inquiry into the policing of the demonstration against George W Bush on Sunday 15 June in Parliament Square/Whitehall. I enclose a copy of my letter to him. I should say I have since been visited by Superintendent Tim Jackson and have given him an account of the basis of my original complaint.

I did tell him, however, that subsequent newspaper revelations may indicate a far more sinister involvement of the police in actual law-breaking on the demonstration which sought to provoke exactly the ugly scenes which eventually ensued.

Since my meeting with the superintendent yesterday this issue has become clearer and obliges me both as a Member of Parliament and as a close witness to these events to write to you as Home Secretary demanding a full inquiry by the government into the extraordinary events and policy decisions surrounding the policing of this demonstration.

You will be aware by now of an article in the Mail on Sunday of 22 June by Yasmin Whittaker-Khan in which she recounts her shock at meeting a man, whom she knew to be a policeman from a previous encounter, who seemed determined to bring about a confrontation between the demonstrators and the police.

This man for at least 30 minutes was stood right next to me at the front of the protest and it is inconceivable that no police photograph will confirm this. I say this because several police stills cameramen and at least one video cameraman were constantly filming.

I can now confirm that this man was Chris Dreyfus, an inspector in the police.

This man, to my direct knowledge, committed four criminal offences during the 30 minutes or so he stood next to me. First, he repeatedly chanted the arcane, antiquated Americana, “Kill the pigs!” This is a clear incitement to violence, indeed murder. If a Muslim demonstrator had been chanting it, say, outside the Danish Embassy, he would likely now be in prison. Secondly, he repeatedly (crushing me in the process) attempted to charge the crush barriers and the police line behind them. Thirdly, he repeatedly exhorted others so to do. Fourthly, he instructed a young demonstrator on the correct way to uncouple a crush barrier, which was successfully achieved and was subsequently thrown at the police, and was presumably one of the justifications for the deployment of a riot squad which eventually waded in to the protesters.

Home Secretary, there can hardly a more grave indictment of the conduct of the police force in a democratic country than this. People in the labour movement have often mythologised the state’s use of agents provocateurs throughout my 40 years experience and no doubt long before. But, to my recollection, we have never caught one red-handed before.

This inspector’s criminal actions must place all the other in themselves legitimate complaints about police tactics in a new light. I wrote to Sir Ian – and to Mayor Johnson – questioning the competence of the policing on that day. It now seems that what happened was a deliberate conspiracy to bring about scenes of violent disorder, seen around the world and for purposes on which we can only speculate.

You, however, have clear responsibility to get to the heart of this matter. I do hope you will begin to do so without delay. In any case,

Yours sincerely,

George Galloway MP

However, If you look at the blog of Linda Jack, who is a Lib Dem, and a friend of Yasmin Whittaker-Khan,

Linda says that she was at the same party as Yasmin when they met the police officer in question.

Linda Jack confirms that Yasmin actually addressed Inspector Chris Dreyfus by name at the demo, and he responded to her, and acknowledged her.

Chis Dreyfus says he has taken legal advice, so we await developments with interest.

Yasmin Whittaker-Khan article written in the Mail on Sunday on an orchestrated attack by the police at a Stop the War demonstration.

‘The premeditated attack on a peace demonstration by the police marks a further deterioration in the civil liberties of all people in Britain. We demand a full public investigation into the events of June 15th.’

Andrew Murray - Chair of Stop the War Coalition.

Inspector Chris Dreyfus, Provocateur or peace protester?

A strange and mysterious story is rearing it's head concerning the accusation last week in the Daily Mail that one of the protesters attempted to incite confrontation with the old bill was actually a police inspector.

Johnny Void writes:

Journo Yasmin Whittaker-Khan, writing in the Fail on Sunday last week, claimed that a man she saw inciting the crowd, yelling abuse at the police and shouting 'pigs out' was himself of a porcine nature, a fully serving police officer.

Now I was there, right at the front, and on reading the story smelt a rat. I saw no such person, and the slogans of choice began with the demand 'Let us Through', before lapsing into old favourite 'No Justice, No Peace, Sack the Police' amongst others. And let's face a Daily Mail journo is hardly the most trustworthy of sources.

That said, just because I didn't see it, didn't mean it didn't happen so I'm prepared to keep an open mind and see how the story develops.

What did happen was the crowd surged towards the fence guarding the police and the innocent Swappies at the back pushed folk further into the fence creating a crush on the front line. Tensions heightened until eventually out came the batons and down (and up and over in some cases) came the fence.

None of this disproves the allegations made and if nothing else the Daily Fail vs the London Met is a good 'un so the void will keep an open mind.

Step forward narcissistic wannabe George Galloway. Around the same time as the article being printed Galloway was writing to the top cop Ian Blair complaining that the police:

"behaved with a viciousness and lack of control such as I have not witnessed since the miners strike of 1984-85."

Which shows how little Galloway has been involved with street political action over recent years.

He goes on to say:

"I made my way to the front of the putative march and purely by chance found myself in the hottest spot of the confrontation which followed. I was trapped there for the best part of an hour and a half, unable to move forward, back or sideways. Consequently, I was both closer to and for longer exposed to the events as they unfolded."

Now sorry George but this simply isn't true. As Ian Bone's blog reports:

"A young comrade told me ‘ I linked arms with Galloway and pushed him involuntarily at the police lines - he was dumb with terror before his minders extricated him’."

Now I didn't actually see this either, what I did see was Galloway making his way to the front of the crowd (albeit still a good few lines back) just as things were starting to get lively. He could well have been accompanied by a noble young class warrior because I could only see the top of his head.

Smiling at the thought of Galloway mgetting a pounding on the front line where things were hotting up nicely I turned my head back to the police lines, just for a few seconds. When I turned back to check on Galloway's progress he was nowhere to be seen.

He'd scarpered, legged it, chickened out, vamooshed.

Which doesn't explicitly confirm what Bone's comrade told him, but it certainly supports it.

Galloway's letter reeks of an attempt by the Stop the War Coalition's to undermine the autonomous action taken by some determined to show their anger at the State sanctioned visit to London of a notorious war criminal.

Step forward another week and now Galloway jumps on the agent provocateur bandwagon. Out he comes and names the so called police protester as the laughing boy pictured above, one Inspector Chris Dreyfus.

Galloway claims the Dreyfuss amongst other things:

"instructed a young demonstrator on the correct way to uncouple a crush barrier, which was successfully achieved and was subsequently thrown at the police, and was presumably one of the justifications for the deployment of a riot squad which eventually waded in to the protesters."

Now I was there so I find it hard to know how exactly Galloway knows this, when put quite simply he wasn't there. It's also not true that the riot cops waded into protesters, it was very clear it was their job to hold the line at Whitehall by any means necessary. What actually happened was the crowd autonomously made a decision to confront another police line which had formed at the top end of the Square.

Tactically this didn't particular work, although in fairness it was largely all over bar the shouting. It was only later when most people had drifted off down the boozer that police snatch squads moved in to make arrests.

Now whilst police provocoteur wouldn't surprise me neither would Galloway hijacking this story for his own self-serving agenda. He's got form for that kind of thing, like, as an example, hijacking the entire anti-war movement to further his own political ambitions.

void disclaimer number 1: In the heat of the action sometimes you miss things and everyone brings home a different story, so some may disagree with the specifics. I also left the front of the crowd confronting the police for a brief period (off licence innit) but after returning from trusty Tescos less than a minute away I remained to watch what was going on to return to the front.

In any event this was long after Galloway's brief appearance, the fence was pretty much down by then and whilst a few hardy souls were still having a bit of a pop it was largely all over bar the shouting. But if anyone out there has a picture of Galloway on the front line then I'd love to see it. I won't be holding my breath.

void disclaimer number 2: This story in no way is intended to support the actions of the Metropolitan Police who viciously attacked and wounded several protesters unnecessarily. The police, not unlike Gorgeous George and his band of cronies, are cunts.

Galloway, Fake Protesters and the Daily Mail - Part 2

This my vision of what the future holds for us! WOW! I created this design for Red Bubble's Agent Provocateur Group's Weekend T-Shirt Challenge. The challenge asks t-shirt designers to depict the future...250 years into the future, to be exact. Here is the blurb I posted along with my entry:

This is my entry to APG’s Weekend T-Shirt Challenge that asks designers to predict the future…250 years into the future to be exact. And, while many predict bleak glimpses and a few depict happy shiny places, I have chosen to depict the inevitable decline of our U.S. economy (because, at the rate it is going, we are almost there) into the era of “Land of the Free Gift with Purchase and Home of the Buyer.” That’s right, Wal-Mart will take over and rule the nation! But, hey, it’s already a bully, so maybe we’ll eventually gain world domination! And, who knows, maybe price cuts (aka “rollbacks”, in Wal-Mart lingo) and senior citizens greeting at the borders are what this country really needs?!?

There are a lot of great entries, so good luck to all! This shirt is also available for purchase in my Red Bubble T-Shirt Gallery.

Cheers!

~ b.chris ;oP

Filozofia firmy zamyka się w jednym zdaniu:

"Kobieta nosząca świetną parę turkusowych majtek z tiulu budzi w sobie poczucie bycia seksowną superbohaterką, które ujawnia się jako pewna siebie, pozytywna seksualność"

Firma szybko odniosła sukces, do którego przyczyniła się świetna strategia marketingowa, unikalne salony z bielizną (kolejne otwierane były w Europie, Ameryce, Azji, Rosji, jednak w Polsce firma nie posiada jeszcze oficjalnego salonu). Dlaczego uważam, że salony tej firmy są wyjątkowe? Wystarczy obejrzeć ten krótki film, przedstawiający wnętrze jednego z salonów Agent Provocateur, w których może nas przywitać pani mająca na sobie jedynie seksowną bieliznę firmy AP, np. seksowne stringi :-)

Swoją popularność firma zawdzięcza świetnej strategii marketingowej, której elementem jest świetna strona internetowa. Reklama nie skupiała się na gazetach czy telewizji, ale największy nacisk położono na reklamy na billboardach, w kinach, nawet w... publicznych toaletach. Twarzą firmy jest Kate Moss, jedna z najpiękniejszych modelek świata. Ostatnio dość głośno było o rozstaniu Kate z Agent Provocateur, ale jak głosi oficjalne stanowisko firmy w tej sprawie "Kate podpisała z nami roczny kontrakt i została ponownie twarzą firmy, tym razem firmując nową kolekcję bielizny ślubnej", co myślę ucina, przynajmniej na jakiś czas, wszelkie dyskusje na ten temat.

Początkowo w ofercie firmy znajdowała się przede wszystkim bielizna (staniki, gorsety, komplety, czy stringi), po pewnym czasie i wielkim sukcesie w rozwoju firmy, asortyment powiększony został o różnego rodzaju akcesoria (maski na oczy, pejczyki, rękawiczki, a nawet.. książki). Wszystko, co sprzedawane jest pod marką Agent Provocateur, kojarzy się nie tylko z elegancją, ale również z wolnością seksualną, symbolizuje kobietę wyzwoloną i pewną swej seksualności. A wszystko to w naprawdę świetnym i gustownym wydaniu.

Asi define 20minutos.es a uno de los desfiles de ropa interior mas atrevido de las pasarelas norteamoericanas. La marca Agent Provocateur comercializa en el Reino Unido lingerie sexy junto a otra docena de productos.

Recorran la pasarela para ver que como se diseña ropa interior con personalidad propia.

http://www.20minutos.es/galeria/913/0/0/

Y la web de la marca para conocer más...

http://www.agentprovocateur.com/shop.html?isource=MOB4

And what a surprise it was when I opened my email at work and found Kate Moss staring at me.
So of course I had to watch the definitely not-work-safe new AP films on my work computer. No one noticed.

Think Carnival. Think arthouse film. Think drug trip.
AP, we hardly knew her.

More at my sister site, fashionfascista!

She sure doesn't look 20 but that's a good thing...she's VERY photogenic. I think she looks, 'myeah' in pics and out and about; like cool but like every other trendy London kid but on prof photos; she rocks...see below..

Good huh? I know it's photoshopped to the hilts but looks cool....beauty wise though, she's hit & miss-this is her on the cover of Let Them Eat Cake...

Still dig the look-it's not that original but a step in the right direction of getting rid of Mosside. I wonder how tall she is? She looks no more the 5ft 4? And I love how her 'modeling' career has been created!? She's just a scenster who has high aspirations! And in a funny way, she's lucky were so obsessed with gimmicks and celebs nowadays-cause it's given her an opening...

OPENING CEREMONY

HENRY BENDEL

AGENT PROVOCATEUR

PARSONS UNIVERSITY'S KNITTED (!!!) CORAL REEF

LOUIS VUITTON

Kate Moss, Agent Provocateur is tired of your Topshop-designing ass!

I know, I know. How could anyone throw salt on your game after dropping those pretty pansy dresses last month? But it seems as though the lingerie brand is ready to move on.

Today, WWD reports that the company appears to be targeting Alice Della, Helena Christensen, and Paz de la Huerta, amongst others, to front its main line collection this Fall.

Honestly, I'm getting sick of this. Can somebody please makeup their mind already?

Plus, although the short list of candidates to possibly take over Moss' spot are pretty impressive, none of them make me want to pay $100 for a bra. No, sirree.

Seriously, I just about fell over backwards (not from a surprise ninja attack mind you)! First of all, tell me if you can spot the ninja in this photo? Oh, but wait a minute you say...is that really a ninja? Could this really be true? Where have we seen these types of ninja before?

But wait, there's a second appearance, maybe this will jar your memory...

Darth Vader you say? Good guess, or possibly some over-sized jawa who escaped from Tatooine and landed in the Mohave you ask? Well, that also would be a good guess, especially since climate-wise they would probably feel right at home and comfortable in their hoodies.  How about the Jedi?  They wear almost the exact same thing too!  Well, all of these are connections we will need to explore in future blog posts, but for the time being, we will leave George Lucas alone for now.  If you still don't get it, let's try just one more, hey consider this good ninja spotting practice...seriously, these are some of the stealthiest Ninja I've laid eyes...er...tried to lay eyes on in quite some time...

Now do I have your attention? Yes, I think you're catching on now, where have we seen these cloaked assassins before? They're starting to look more familiar now. Let's compare with another movie to see if you see what I see...

Do you see them?  No, not the hobbits! I'm telling you, you really need to take my Ninja spotting class. It's the Nazgul! But who are the Ninja wannabes? Is it the Nazgul look-a-like Ninjas in LOTR or is it the Ninja look-a-like Nazgul in the Octagon? Well, I hope you all know your time periods because The Octagon was filmed first, so those are definitely Nazgul look-a-like Ninjas! Aha!

Maybe I should change this blog to bewareofnazgul.wordpress.com...wouldn't that be interesting...Peter Jackson must have intended some sort of relationship between the two...it's no wonder that the Nazgul are my favorite part of LOTR. Could Peter Jackson be a master ninja? Could Frodo have been trained in the art of Ninja spotting? Remember, he had quite a connection with those Nazgul.

If so, we can only watch out for more subconscious Ninjitsu messages via Jackson's movies. I'm going to re-watch King Kong...wouldn't Jack Black be a good Ninja...no one would suspect eh...slightly less pudgy than Chris Farley, yet couldn't you see him in Beverly Hills Ninja 2? Also, look at his last name...Black...so sly and delicate, yet bold and provocative, what other human being cloaks itself in black? Yes! The Ninja do! We have caught yet another agent provocateur within the Hollywood Shinobi clan...I'm telling you, I may not make it another day with these types of revelations...people beware!

QUE LA GUERILLA COMMENCE...

la description issue du site agent-provocateur.ch 

" Votre tête et vos idées nous sont chères: agent-provocateur.ch offre une prime de CHF 20’000.– pour une intervention ayant lieu en Suisse et attirant l’attention dans tout le pays. L’intervention thématise un sujet d’actualité, elle provoque les idées reçues et l’adversaire politique, ou alors elle démasque l’ennemi. Tous les moyens seront bons: humour grinçant, sainte colère, rage artistique. L’action visée devra lier intelligence et agressivité et frapper au cœur de la Suisse.

À partir du 20 mai et jusqu’au 30 mai 2008, CHF 20 000.– en billets de banque seront exposés dans la vitrine du Cabaret Voltaire à Zurich.

L’esquisse du projet devra contenir le titre du projet, une description précise de l’action planifiée et des moyens nécessités, ainsi qu’une estimation réaliste quant à sa viabilité autant juridique que technique. Et elle devra être réalisable pour une somme de CHF 20 000. La rédaction d'agent-provocateur.ch choisira la meilleure idée parmi les esquisses et informera le gagnant en garantissant la discrétion nécessaire jusqu’au lancement de l’action proprement dite.

Les idées devront être transmises jusqu’au 15 juin au plus tard à l'aide du formulaire d'inscription. "

L'union fait la force ; Une page a été créée sur facebook pour les créatifs désirant travailler en force sur une même thématique.  jettez un oeil !!

Ps: ceci n'a rien à voir avec de la lingerie.

N'hésitez pas à laisser un commentaire sur le sujet que vous souhaitez voir aborder.

On Cribs they always show you their cars.  Here is what I would have:

• A retro Morris Traveller Van thingy, you know the ones with the green paint and the wood panelling.
• A purple bubble car just big enough for me and a packet of hobnobs
• An ordinary Morris Minor for every day purposes
• A tandem
• A really old car, like Brum, made big.  I don’t care what type it is really, I just think they look lovely with big old headlamps and stuff.
• A penny farthing (just for a laugh)
• A routemaster bus (and all the outfits. I want to work the ticket machine)

No twenty four inch rims or industrial sized Hummers for me thank you very much.

They always show you their fridges too.  I have a pale blue Smeg fridge which I love.  It’s wildly impractical, but I love its bulbous shape and its general pale blueness.  If I were rich I’d get them to make me a bank of blue fridges and freezers which would mean they were actually big enough to hold all the food, but would still look funky and retro.  I would also have an ice dispenser, because I like ice and I like having it dispensed.  I always feel decadent when someone dispenses ice about my person.

Inside the fridge they always have either:

• Organic food pre-prepared by their chef who follows their every move in his own customised Bentley
• Disgusting amounts of junk food, sausages on sticks and t.v. dinners
• Only drinks
• Nothing at all because they never eat in

My fridge would be a walking advert for Ocado and Selfridge’s food hall.  There would be a lot of San Pellegrino, because it’s very nice.  There would also be a lot of food. I mean, a lot of food.  I like food A LOT.  It would all be nice food (Jason and the kids can have separate fridges), but I would be going for quantity AND quality.  People would win competitions to come and nibble things out of my fridge, that’s how good it would be.  I'd have an ice cream maker too because I've always fancied one of those.

There would be no fridge magnets of any kind.

Alex James has a library.  It looked like a great library.  My only problem with it was that it was rather small.  I would like a library, but when I have a library it will be an actual library, with a librarian, and fires and big step ladders and huge chairs and bean bags.  There will be no television of any kind.  It will not just be full of old books, it will be full of every kind of book.  There will be an Amazon delivery every hour.  I will definitely have the entire Oxford English Dictionary for starters, and not on CD Rom.  I’ve always wanted to own the OED.  That would be so cool.  I will have a separate kids section with smaller shelves and chairs for midgets.  I will leave the library to the nation when I die.  It will be fab.  I will have library stamps too.  I like the idea of doing the stamping.

I’m definitely having a pantry too.  A big one with slate floors and interesting looking cupboards full of stuff that you might want to snack on in the night.  It will have a big table with a marble top in case I want to roll pastry, or make cheese, or just lounge about on a big marble topped table in my Manolos, wearing my Philip Treacey hat.

My kitchen will not have granite work tops I don’t care how fashionable they are.  I think they’re naff.  I’m having real tree wood, gently oiled by my horny handed gardener and man about the estate.  As far as oven’s go. I’ll have whatever Gordon Ramsay’s got thanks.  We won’t bother with a separate dining room, we’ll just have a huge fuck off kitchen which would be the size of most people’s houses.  There will be sofas and comfy chairs and a big no nonsense wooden table, none of these round circular things with matching napkins and plates the size of Mars.

There will be a huge integral tea urn with hot water on tap for endless hot beverages, sod the Kristal champagne.  There will be mugs for everyone (except my best friend Rachel who prefers a cup and saucer).  There will be much Emma Bridgewater.  It is likely there will be quite a lot of Nigella.  There will also be extensive trips to that lovely cookware shop I can’t think of the name of which is now on Marylebone High Street but which is also near Bibendum (Ah! Divertimenti).  We will need a lot of cupboard space.

There will be lots of paintings and arty stuff.  I may even get Tracey Emin in to do an installation in the hall, as long as it doesn’t upset the children.  Andy Goldsworthy can sculpt the garden and Diarmuid Gavin can prune the hedges into the shape of space ships.  I want a daguerreotype, preferably that one that Chuck Close did of Kate Moss if it’s available.  I’d also like a Stanley Spencer because they’re very soothing.  I’d like that Epstein sculpture of Jacob and the Angel, but I don’t think that the Tate have finished with it yet.

I’m having an artist’s studio so that I can give it a go.  I want one of those potter’s wheels and a potter to teach me how to pot as well.  I had a go once, it was brilliant.

I detest the gym, so we’re not having one of those.  I am having a proper swimming pool though.  An indoor one with non hairy floors and lots of fun stuff.  I’d quite like one like they’ve got in the Sanctuary in Covent Garden.  It’s got a swing over it.  How cool is that?

In Cribs there are invariably rooms for show where nobody actually goes in them.  These always seem to be dining rooms.  We won’t have that problem as we always use every room in every house we’ve ever lived in, usually for several conflicting things, all at once.  We will have lots of useless furniture though.  I am mad for Charles Rennie Mackintosh, although I prefer his painting to his furniture.  I do love his chairs though, even though they are bloody uncomfortable.  I will have to have some of his chairs so that we can all avoid sitting on them.  I might have a chaise longue as well in some ridiculously expensive material.  It won’t matter about the material, because you can’t actually sit on them properly anyway.  They just look louche and fabulous.

I will have a walk in wardrobe.  I know it’s very common, but there’s something brilliant about the idea of having whole rooms devoted solely to your extensive clothing collection.  Mine will have lots of lovely things in it including:

• Lots of Dior by John Galliano
• Lots of Alexander McQueen
• Lots of Armani
• Ozwald Boateng suits
• Philip Treacey hats
• Christian Louboutin shoes
• Manolo Blahnik Shoes
• Paul Smith everything (and some carpets and stuff)
• Alice Temperley things of great beauty
• Ghost exquisiteness
• Coast and Fenn Wright and Manson just for mucking around in
• Hundreds of pairs of Fat Face socks
• Mulberry handbags
• Undies courtesy of Agent Provocateur

I don’t do jewellery so you’re safe from my list of blingtastic stuff.

I’m having a big bathroom but you can keep your whirlpool jets and gold taps thanks.  Jason and I once stayed in the suite at the Malmaison in Leeds which has a giant square bath bigger than a king size bed which is so deep you can almost swim in it. You had to fill it with a big stand pipe thing and it had huge shower heads in the ceiling in clusters.  I’m having that one.  It even had waterproof pillows.  I’m having those too.

I’ll have another bathroom with a huge roll top bath in it for the days when I feel like being Victorian.  I’m also having another bathroom with one of those baths I saw when Boy George had money and wasn’t selling t-shirts down the market.  He had a huge copper bath that looked a bit like the one in the painting The Death of Marat.  And I’m having a wet room and a Hammam and loads of Jo Malone stuff to put in them.  In fact I will be known as that batty old lady with a hundred bathrooms but who still smells of wee and Yardley Lavender.

They always have cinema rooms in Cribs.  Given the fact that Jason has spent the last twelve months cannibalizing our living room into a cinema it is inevitable that we will have one too, despite my lack of enthusiasm.  I’m decorating it though.  I want it to look like a Fin De Siecle Paris brothel, but with comfier seats.  That’ll learn him.  I think we’ll have a theatre too, and invite travelling theatre troupes to come and perform Ibsen after breakfast.

We will have a branch of Starbucks just off the hall, where most of the Cribsters seem to put their non usable Versace themed dining rooms.  I will not have Versace themeing anywhere.  I think Versace is cheap and nasty.  Nor will we be having any Swarovski crystal anywhere in the house.  Instead we will have one wall of the downstairs loo painted in that blackboard paint and a box of chalks handy so people can write down their thoughts as they pooh.  It will be very therapeutic.

One of the other loo rooms will be wallpapered in tube maps of the world.  I like to think of travelling while I am on the toilet.  It helps to pass the time.  My mum and dad have their downstairs loo decorated in ordnance survey maps.  It’s very restful.

Floors will be stone and wood, not shiny.  I don’t do shiny.  I like hand woven rugs.  Kilims are nice even though they aren’t very fashionable any more.  I don’t care.  I’d like some Bill Amberg leather flooring as well, with underfloor heating.

Other important features of the house include:

• High ceilings
• Lots of windows and light
• Secret passages (but not naff old fashioned ones, cool, Napoleon Solo type ones)
• An underground lair
• Underground passages to access underground lair
• Swings indoors (but not in bedrooms, just for mucking about purposes)
• Corridors you can ride a bike down for when it’s wet outside
• A room with a bouncy castle and a trampolene in it
• An orangery, one with real oranges in it, and pineapples and lemons and ferns and cool, hairy plants, with glass sculptures by Dale Chihuly.
• A Bat pole
• Some kind of slide for when the hips are too knackered for the Bat pole.
• An indoor stream with loads of pretend ducks and sticks for hooking them out.  I like those themed ducks.  We'll have one of each.
• An entire soundproof floor of the house for the children
• A ballroom with a great sprung floor and fabulous acoustics where I could have nights of excessive dancing.  It must have a glitter ball
• A sound proof room with the biggest drum kit in the world in, so that I can take drum lessons at last.

Outside the house would be:

• Woods with wildlife
• An entire play village like Petit Trianon at Versailles
• Lots of watery based stuff
• Walled gardens with a secret garden for the kids
• Orchards
• Organic fruit and veg
• A herb garden I can wander around with my trug wearing my Philip Treacey hat and waving secateurs.
• A huge playground for the kids with tree houses and dangerously cool stuff like they used to have in playgrounds when I was a kid
• A sculpture park
• A potting shed where Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall and Diarmuid can plan their next move.  Hugh will be my advisor on the estate and provide me with piglets and chicks and such like.

And that’s just for starters.  It’d be so cool they’d have to do a week’s worth of Cribs just on me!  It’d be awesome, and I’d invite you round for tea if you asked nicely.

Når politiet anvender civile agenter i narko- og terrorsager, kræver venstrefløjen højlydt at få undersøgt, om politiet har overholdt alle regler for anvendelsen af en agent provocateur. Men når en journalist fra Ekstra Bladet, er agent provocateur i en pædofilisag mod en politibetjent, er venstrefløjen tavs. Rød lighed er åbenbart fleksibel.

Af Johan Drost i metroXpress København 28.05.2008  

Når politiet anvender civile agenter i narko- og terrorsager, kræver venstrefløjen højlydt at få undersøgt, om politiet har overholdt alle regler for anvendelsen af en agent provocateur. Men når en journalist fra Ekstra Bladet, er agent provocateur i en pædofilisag mod en politibetjent, er venstrefløjen tavs. Rød lighed er åbenbart fleksibel.

Af Johan Drost i metroXpress København 28.05.2008